His blood on my hands

Kendra ten

I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling like I have for the past few days. At 4:00 everyday they play music in the nurses lounge. I'm not sure why, but I can hear it through the walls and I like it. It's the highlight of my day.

"Kendra." It's a nurse.

"Yes?"

"Your father is here."

"Oh."

He walks into the room a moment after, holding all of my things.

"Should we go then?" He says, hastily. As if picking me up was just a quick stop, or an afterthought.

The nurse takes off the needles, and my arms feel so bare. I stand up and I'm so dizzy. I take a few of the boxes and he holds the rest.

We walk out, and I look back to the Academy. I look at it for a moment. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was to say goodbye. Or have some sort of closure. Or to remind myself that I had failed and everyone was gone.

Our flight is waiting in the grass right in front of the school. I'm not sure why they let him park there.

Still in silence, we both sit on the plane, and our pilot, Romine, greets us with a smile. The flight attendant, who I don't recognize, offers us a beverage and I take a beer.

"So, how have things been?" I start off.

"Good. Everything is working great." He says it in an odd manner, as though he knows something I don't. Which he probably does. He's the king. Maybe something good happened financially.

We continue in silence. I like planes. I enjoy being so high off the ground, I like seeing all the giant mountains and the huge buildings as specks.

When we land home, my mother hugs me and my siblings are on a trip, apparently. I head up to my room. I had forgotten how beautiful this palace was. The walls are worn down, a dark shade of beige. The ceiling is black, and the interior design and furniture are all dark blue, black, or dark green. There are columns inside, and the staircase is winding. As usual, the house smells of dark pine.

The smells bring back a storm of memories. Like playing chess in the dimly lit halls at night with my sister. We were a bit closer when we were younger. Then, she stopped playing with me so I played for both sides.

When I was young, I did a lot of training and went to very Academic based schools. So, I didn't have a lot of friends. There was one girl though. She would wave to me in hallways and sometimes we would eat lunch next to each other during our 15 minute break. She had straight blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I remember how jealous I was of her eyes.

I even remember when we went dress shopping for my sister's first ball. We went from store to store, talking and laughing. She would ask for my opinions and I would get so happy when she'd take my suggestions.

I can barely remember what it was like to be a child. I would be so happy about stupid things. A little fresh air, a nice walk, the occasional family conversation.

We even had a puppy for a short bit but my dad thought it's barking was annoying so after a year they put him in the pound. They didn't warn me, they just did. And one day I came back from school and his smiling face wasn't there to greet me. Then, my sister got a cat but the cat liked me better than her. He was my partner in crime, we would sit by the window and just watch whenever it would rain. Sometimes he would snuggle on my pillow when he was scared of the thunder. After almost four years it got run over and I found out when I saw it's body on the driveway on my way back from school.

I snap out of it. Reminiscing is stupid.

My room is big, the ceiling is high. The desks and window sills are dusty. It's as though no one has gone inside in four years. Why would they, anyway? I set down my things and sit on my bed. Charise, one of our maids, must have put new sheets on for me.

I sit for a minute, and then I start unpacking. My wall is filled with posters, drawings, and other things of such. I used to spend all my time here. I used to use the walls to show my emotions. Where else would I show emotion? It's interesting to see how much I've changed.

I hear a quiet knock at the door.

"Come in."

"Hi Kendra."

"Charise!" I drop my things and hug her.

We've always been close. She's been like the mother that mine never could be.

"How was school, dear?"

I like that she didn't ask about the mission.

"It was ... okay."

She smiles, and holds my hands. They feel like Mrs. Capulia's. I wonder how long she's worked for my parents. She'll be 60 in a few years, and I can't remember a moment of my life when she didnt work for us. So that's at least 18 years. Huh.

"I just wanted to remind you that the ball is in two weeks. You still have to choose your gown. But relax for a couple days, and then we can get started."

Oh. The ball. I hadn't forgotten, but it didn't really cross my mind.

"Right of course." I smile, and she walks out of my room.

I start unpacking again, then a thought crosses my mind.

I run downstairs to the kitchen, "Mother, I have an idea!"

"What is it?" The way my mother talks reminds me of a robot. It's so fake.

"Can I invite Cadrian to the ball?"

"Why?"

"I will kill him. I promise, just give me one more chance!"

"Father is already arranging for someone to kill him, not to worry." She continues humming and cutting carrots.

"Please? I really want to do this. I want to kill him, mother!"
"Now Kendra, don't be immature. Please go back to your room."

I walk upstairs. Maybe it's time to accept defeat. Or to understand that it was never for me, it was for my country. So as long as he's dead, it's a success. Yep.