Hard For Me

08

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"And for the first time after months of being silent, Rose finally broke down and rubbed everything I did to my face."

"Ikaw! Ikaw ang may kasalanan kung bakit iniwan ako ulit ni Draco sa pangalawang pagkakataon! Anong nangyari sa 'yo, Daniel? Paano ka naging ganito?" She sobbed. "Ayaw ng parents ko kay Draco kaya nakipagsabwatan ka sa kanila na i-kidnap siya? Anong klaseng kahayupan 'yon, Dan? All this time you've fooled me with your plans! But I know it all now! Alam ko na kung anong klaseng demonyo ka! I'm done being your slave, Dan! Let me go, please. Enough with this pain, I'm so tired. Gusto ko lang makasama si Draco. Give us this chance, pakiusap. Huwag niyo na kaming guluhin," my lips parted when she kneeled, her hands clasped tight.

I was just done forcing myself on her, again. She didn't bother wearing clothes as she immediately begged for her freedom. Crying and pleading for me to let her go.

"Wala akong ibang hihilingin sa 'yo kundi kalayaan at kapayapaan lang kasama si Draco. Kahit pagkaitan niyo pa ako sa mga yaman, just let me spend the rest of my life with him. I love him so much, please, nakikiusap ako sa 'yo Dan.."

He is really irreplaceable. Even after years of being with her, it's still him.

"Rose, kahit konti lang, kahit konti, minahal mo ba ako? Ginawa ko ang lahat para palitan siya. Bakit siya pa rin?" I can't help breaking down as well. I sat back down on the bed as I felt my knees getting weak. Why is love so painful?

"Mahal ko siya, Daniel. Sobra. Minahal din naman kita, pero—"

"Pero hindi gaya ng kanya," my voice broke as well as my heart. "Hindi ko kailan man matatapatan ang sa kanya. Kahit sabihin mong matututunan mo akong mahalin, siya pa rin diyan naka-ukit sa 'yo."

"Daniel—"

Lumabas na ako ng kwarto niya at pumunta sa kabila. There I stupidly cried like a five-year-old girl.

Everything she said was true. I am a pure evil. I'm completely devoured by the devil. I kept on hurting her and I think I didn't love her. That was not love because love is not obsessive. I was obsessed with her that I did everything with my power to have her. Even if it means torturing people who would go my way.

That day I wasn't able to sleep properly. It was already 3AM yet I'm still wide awake, drinking a cold beer in my patio. I looked back upon the sound of footsteps only to see Rose there.

She was carrying a boxed milk which she always drink whenever she can't sleep. She's wearing one of my shirt that's so big on her.

We were just silent after she threw me a glance. I let her have her peace as I gaze the view outside. This is the first time in a while that we were on the same room and no shouting, raising voices, cursing, things like that. We were silent. No one dared to talk.

"I'm tired of all the argues, Dan," she broke the silence, "but I want to ask only one thing. And please, just for once, be honest. Why, Daniel?" This time she faced me.

I gulped. Why, Daniel? Anong rason ko para gawin lahat 'to?

"I love you, Rose. I want you. I want us to happen," I simply answered.

"Okay.. Pero Dan, I know I did clear things out to you before na wala akong nararamdaman sa 'yo. Is this how you love someone? Forcing them? Hurting others just to have them?"

I downed my beer until it's half empty.

"Dan, if you truly loved me, you won't do any of this. You would accept the competition and fight fairly. And if at the end you fail to win her, you'll man up and accept your defeat instead of becoming evil."

"Sometimes you do things out of despair, Rose. You don't know how painful one-sided love is," I chuckled shortly and drank my beer again.

"I do," she scoffed, "hindi ko nga alam 'yan. Ang naramdaman ko lang ay kung gaano kasakit mapalayo sa gusto mo. It may not be the same situation but the pain is. It feels heavy in the chest, it feels like you're dying, it feels like you want to sleep and never wake up ever.

"And you're just blinded by love and influenced by power and voices of my parents. You are smart, Dan. You know it. But you let my parents take advantage of your love for me and let them rule you. If you didn't let them, I'm sure by now kasama mo na ang babaeng nagpapasaya sa 'yo ng tunay.

"In this set up we have, pareho tayong nagkakasakitan, Daniel. Don't you think it's time to break this chain? Aren't you tired of everything?"

I was left speechless. It's my time now to become mute as I've no words to belt out with her sharp ones.

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