Hard For Me

09

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I was silent. I didn't know what to say anymore. Even though I'm not looking at her, I know that she's killing me with her eyes.

But I do understand what she meant. I just realized it now. I'm not putting blames on her parents or anyone. Kahit saang anggulo mas malaki pa rin ang kasalanang ginawad ko kay Rose. Hindi lang sa emosyonal at isipan niya. Kundi sa buong pagkatao niya.

Sinira ko siya. Sinira ko rin ang sarili ko. Sinira ko ang buhay ng ibang tao.

The sounds of the relaxing night mingled with the silence between us.

"Rose, can you say something nice to me?" I asked out of a sudden after a deep thought of my realizations. This time I faced her. Her eyes bore to me after she sipped on her drink.

"Like an advice or compliment?"

"Anything," I blinked my eyes.

"Okay," she nodded, sipping on her milk again. It's now her who watched the view infront of us. "Be free, Daniel."

"And I listened to her," I licked my lips, eyeing my therapist. "Before she woke up that morning, I already prepared everything. I have her things packed and gave her the thing she only wants from me. Her freedom. I realized that if I set her free, then I'd be free as well. So... I signed our annulment papers and have it waiting for her down our living room."

I sighed deeply for the nth time. There was a short silence after that heavy sigh.

"I was in the secluded part of my office in the house the whole time when the maids told her what I instructed them to say. I told them to break the news to her that I'm finally giving up my obsession and she could now fly like a bird. I watched her from the CCTV cameras go crazy finding for me, probably to say goodbye, but I hid well. When she finally gathered her things and went out.. Out of our house.. Out of my life.. That's when I broke down. I had to conceal my pain that time 'cause I was still in an early meeting with my employees through an online video call." Tears suddenly ran down my eyes.

"I told my men to guide her back to the Philippines as I tried all my best to resist going after her. But after being away from her for almost six months, I told myself 'Fuck it. I need to see her.' So I hurried back to my home country and ordered everyone in my team to search for her. But what they reported made me stop." My lips parted but I can't utter anything. I shook my head and gulped. "She's.. She's getting married to Draco."

My lips formed a thin line as I eyed my therapist. He just slightly nodded his head. He wants me to continue.

I know going back through this is hella painful but I'm the one who contacted him to meet me today because I want to tell him everything just.. just to at least reduce some weight in my chest.

I thought by doing this, it would lessen or something like it. But it feels even more heavy as I reminisce everything. I can't continue this anymore.

"What did you do? Did you barge into her wedding?" he asked and I became silent, looking down on my clasped hands.

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