Private Property

6

Dear diary, it was the first day of school today and guess what.... Sami and Jack are both in my homeroom! We also had a double period for homeroom and my teacher is AMAZING! He is so funny and had us cracking up right until the bell rang. Also Mrs Burns my english teacher gave me a copy of Romeo and Juliet to read. Apparently the whole class was given it last year and i had to catch up. Great... already behind. At recess and lunch I was crowded with people trying to find out what kind of person I was or wanting me to be THEIR best friend. It was just like kindergarten all over again. I was the kid with the shiny new toy. Everyone wanted to be my friend so they would be part of the news. Unfortunately for them I had an instant bond with two amazing friends. They introduced me to some new people, but as I am terrible with names, I have forgotten them all. They are all very funny. It's good to have a fresh beginning where no one knows why I moved or anything about my past. It was surprising how many people at my old school wanted to know 'how I was' or 'how I was holding up'. I mean how do you think I'm going? Both my parents are dead! Everyone I love is leaving me one way or another... When people ask those questions, they don't actually want to know the answer. They just want you to know that they care enough to try to make you feel better. They know that you are struggling with the loss. They know you will never be " ok" again. What they don't know is that every time they ask, it rips at the bindings of your heart and your very soul. You may be happy for the first time in months and they have ruined it with a simple question that has somehow become very complex. The feeling of emptiness overcomes you and it feels like there is a massive black hole where your heart should be. Your head is drowning in a river of thoughts. It's not a pretty sight. But when that sensation takes over you, you need to put on a brave face. Wear a mask to hide yourself and shield others from the pain. When they ask those questions I have found it is easier to say what they want to hear. Just be strong and just say " I'm fine. Thanks" don't drop your mask for even a second. They will see it and expect you to pour out your very soul even if you don't know them. It's not LYING as such...it's just acting... like a very long game of pretend. One great big impromptu play.