Private Property

17

Dear Diary,

Have you ever had one of those days when nothing seems to go your way? When nothing you do makes sense anymore. I thought i was getting better but i was greatly misaken. It happened. They know. Everybody knows. The story of the poor little children who lost their parents. It has been less than 24 hours and i have already been surrounded by the sea of strangers wanting to make me feel better and being sorry for my loss. i"m sorry. But this isn't right. I came here to forget my past not to relive it. I guess that was my biggest fault, thinking that i could escape it here of all places. Every time someone reminds me of them it destroys me. i am crippled with saddness. People i dont even know are rushing up to me to apologise for my loss. Like it was their fault. Nothing they do or say can bring them back so why remind me every waking moment of them and how i'm never going see them again. How I'm never going to hear my mum's laughter or lose myself in my dad's arms. How my dad can't walk me down the isle or protect his baby girl. How my mum won't be able to be there when i need her, or help me when i stress out. How they won't live to see me at my happiest. That's the part that hurts the most. Yeah, you can talk about how they "live on with me", and will never leave becasue they live in my heart and in my memories, but at the end of the day, every girl needs her daddy's shoulder to cry on and her mum to make everything ok when she is at her worst. Selfish i know but i miss them.

There it goes again! That stupid doorbell. It's been going off all day. Complete strangers coming to our house and offering their apologies. I had to leave school early because of all the distraction. I must have recieved about a gazillion messages by now. I don't know half of them and it worries me that they got my number, but there are more important things happening at the moment. I had to turn my phone onto silent because my ringtone was driving me insane. The home phone is going beserk and there must be thousands of people all leaving viocemails. There are only so many times you can hear the words 'sorry for your loss' or 'are you ok?'. There are only so many quotes you can read before it all turns into a shamble of sounds with little meaning. These people have the worst quotes. they sound more suited to a breakup. But I can't count the amount of times i've recieved texts like this:

"Sorry for your loss Emily. RIP! <3"

"Hey Em, i heard what happened. R U kk? im here 4 U. Its kk. Everything happens 4 a reason. heaven has got two more angels

I mean at least have the common curtesy to write like a normal human being. Some of these things would have been nice to hear had i not heard them from fifty billion other people. I get it. you want to help me. Last time i checked, helpers are the silent hero. Not the person who types  R.I.P. on facebook. 

Hey guys! hows it crak-e-lackin? Have an awesome day!!

Spread the love like a fatal disease!!!