Private Property

16

Dear Diary,

I think it might be getting better. Last week i would wake up with a flood of thoughs rushing around my head, thinking that i was better off dead, or at least somewhere else. I mean, it looks like this hope thing may be a good look for me. "Hope" such a strange concept to me. so weird that a four letter word could do anything. It could save a life, start a revolution, or give an awkward fifteen year old a sense of purpose. A sense of direction. A sense of... well hope. its crazy. just how much this four letter word can sspark a change in this rusty, broken heart, on the way to recovery. But I cant take full credit for my sudden journey to recovery. My saviour is another four letter word. "Evan". Yes. I know just how ridiculas and clichè that sounds but its true. In the short moments we have been together, just talking, i havent thought about any of the terrible things form my past or faked any smiles. It was all genuine. I was genuinly happy. Yes i do know how utterly ridiculas that makes me sound and how much it sounds like "I need a man to come along in shining armour" But thats the thing. i know how stupid and unstable that makes me sound but i wrote it anyway. I don't care how it happens, i just want it to change. If a man came up to a cancer patient on the brink of death and said here yu go and left, the patient isn't going to question the cure. They will just be glad they are free from the disease. a weight off their shoulders. The same with me. If someone came along and gave me hope. I wouldn't question it. Just be glad that it exists.

So yeah. I guess you could say that i have a sense of renewed hope. this little light that i need to let shine. I think now, i would settle for glowing. I dont care how much I sound like a steriotypical teenage girl who can't think for herself and needs a guy to protect her. Because it rings a bit true. I want to be protected from all the bad in the world. From all the pain and memories of my past. But to do that i might need a little help...

Long time no see!!! to the 4 of you who actually read my books...thankyou for all the suport and for not trashing it those days when im a bit off my game.

Spread the love like a fatal disease!!!!! C'ya >.<