Private Property

12

Dear diary, my whole life everything has been handed to me on a silver platter. I have just done what is expected to do and nothing more. But since they died, I've just been drifting through. My silver platter has rusted and turned to dust. I feel like my light has gone out. Almost like I've been fighting to stay lit this whole time. I've been flickering through my struggles and now, it's gone. My flame extinguished. There is darkness surrounding me. The black hole is getting bigger everyday, and sucking away everything in its path. Including me. I have been sucked away and replaced with a drone incapable of feeling anymore. It's like there is a switch in my head for my feelings and I have just turned It off. All of my love and humanity is just gone. My burning candle has been blown out. When my parents died, so did I along with them. But they moved on to a better life and I'm still stuck here. A soulless creature incapable of anything meaningful. I do try. I try to care and to love unconditionally, but then I flick the switch. Because if I let in the good I have to let in the bad. To see the love I have see the pain and there is too much. Too much for any 15 year old girl to handle. There needs to be a balance. A little love, a little pain. Well my scale has tipped. Now I am all that is left of it. Incapable of learning to live with the pain so I let it go. I let go of love and happiness and trust. I let it all go and I'm not sure if I will ever find it again. So for now I must watch it float further and further away into the distance.