Cry a little to be fine ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 8: hide away

TW // self harm, vomit

Katsuki Bakugo

Once Todoroki and I had made it back to the dorms, he went to his own room, giving me the first bit of time alone I'd had in a while, save for the shower this morning of course. I wasn't..quite sure what to do, to be honest. I'd become so accustomed to his company that I found it passed the time so quickly. But now, after he'd gone, time felt like a chore. Usually, I would cut my arm when I was hurt, but he took away my razors, so that was out of the question....

Or was it? I mean, there's fucking sharp things all over this room, why just worry about razors? I'm gonna need them back at some point anyway, to use as intended. I'm sure one of the smaller knives might-

"Hey, bro! You in there?" Kirishima shouted, and I hastily threw my hoodie back on before saying "yeah, in you come shit head"

"Shit head? My head is perfectly normal, thank you!"

"Except for what's inside it. What do you want?"

"I just came to tell you there's another movie night on tonight.."

"Ugh, guess I'm coming then?"

"If you want bro, but..Tetsu'll be there and I won't have much time for you"

"Right....if you two do ANY funny business under one of ponytail's blankets then you are DEAD"

"Thanks mooooom"

"Get back here you little fucker!" I shouted as I chased him out of the room. I closed my door, and went back to my depressing as fuck thoughts. I picked up the knife and weighed up the idea, pressing it gently against my skin. I felt it prick against my arm, and I dropped it to the floor in shock.

That fucking hurt!

It made a clanging sound as it clattered onto the floor, and I stumbled to my bedroom and sat in the corner. A slight amount of blood tricked down my arm as I hugged my knees close, crying softly into them.

I had no idea how long I'd been there crying when I felt my stomach swirl. I made my way to the toilet, and deposited earlier's lunch. I choked out half sobs as I did, pathetically writhing around on the floor. I wasn't even too sure what I was upset about, I just knew that the fact that the knife hurt my arm made me sad.

It was...almost like shame. Shame that I'd ignored that pain so many times before, and had continued to mark up my skin with no consideration whatsoever.

"Bakugo! Bakugo, where-HOLY FUCK NO!" I heard a voice call out, and guessed that it was Todoroki. Sure enough, the dual-haired boy slowly opened the bathroom door and looked down at me, a panicked expression on his face. He embraced me in a massive hug, and I sobbed into his shoulder, letting my walls down completely. I cried and cried and cried some more, his shirt looking waterlogged by the end of my tears.

"I...I found the knife, and....thought..y'know? You scared me Katsuki..."

"I-I know...I-I'm sorry..I just..I d-didn't know what else to do..."

"Fuck.... Jesus Christ Katsuki, I thought I'd lost you..."

"I-I-I'm sorry..."

He picked me up and carried me back to my bed, inspecting my arm. There was barely a mark where the knife had touched, and I felt obliged to explain to him.

"I-I tried to, but...it hurt...for the f-first time ever..."

"I see.....I think that's because you don't want to anymore. I get that it's what you did when you were bored, but that can't happen now, Bakugo. We need to find you something else to focus on...."