Cry a little to be fine ~TodoBaku~

Chapter 1: understanding is a virtue not afforded to the weak

TW // mentions of paedophilic tendencies, mentions of vomiting

Katsuki Bakugo

My face stung as Father slapped me, and I bit my lip to attempt not to cry. It was like this a lot. I'd lose my admittedly short temper, and he'd hit me. Today was particularly bad, since I'd just got my results from my second and penultimate year at UA. Four A's and a B. I was proud of it when I told him and Mother, but they were disgusted.

"Such a fucking disappointment, Katsuki. We opened our hearts to you, the least you could do is FUCKING TRY!" My father screamed, and Mother just sobbed as if I'd killed her pet. She was unstable, that much was clear, and Father was just abusive. My eyes stayed cast to the floor as he slapped me again, and I barely even flinched this time, used to the pain. He sent me away, and I made a quick dash for the bathroom to run cold water on my face to attempt to stop a bruise forming where he'd hit me. It would be red and a little swollen for a while though, but I figured it'd go down before school started again next week. I was eighteen now, surely I'd be able to stand up to Father and Mother by now, right?

No. I always just took my punishment as it came. In my head, I was grateful for everything they gave to me. They took me in when my biological parents where killed in a skiing accident. I was eight years old then, and the first time Father hit me was the day after they adopted me. I'd asked what was for dinner...

I didn't eat that night. I didn't most nights, actually. My ribs poked prominently out of my chest when I lay down, and my arms were pathetically thin. I looked like a 6ft newborn sometimes. My hips curved so far outwards from my tiny stomach that it honestly hurt sometimes putting clothes on, and I could connect two of my fingers around my leg with ease. It was a miracle I was still alive, actually. Having one meal a day for around ten years had definitely taken it's toll on me.

Eating anything extra at all would usually make me ill, and I'd never be able to keep it down for longer than an hour. Plus, vomiting left my fragile body exhausted, so my best option was just to eat what I was given. It was usually a sandwich, with a tiny chocolate bar if Father was feeling generous. He feeds me...so kind. Such a good man...

My brain was corrupt. I knew that much, and yet I still stayed here. The main reason was that my options were limited. No one at the school knew about this, and I didn't have enough money to live alone. I kept a few thousand yen tucked away under my bed for emergencies, but it wouldn't rent me a hotel room for more than two days, let alone a house!

Which is why, when the letter came through that UA now had free-of-charge on site accommodation for third-years, I was delighted. It was part of some whole government scheme bullshit to encourage young people to live independently. Plus, Father had no choice but to let me go! It was mandatory, and I handed the letter to him knowing as much. I saw his face sink into anger as he read the letter, and suddenly my delight turned to anxiety.

He stood up, before grabbing my hair and walking off, dragging my ruthlessly up the stairs. I whined and scratched at his hand to no avail, and he threw me into my bedroom, and closed the door once he was in.

"Now then, if you're going away next week, I'd best have my fun now, shall I~?"

And so the next week was torture. My meals were reduced to once every other day, I wasn't allowed out of my room without permission, and I received two daily beatings instead of the usual one. By the time the day before school came, my body was coated in bruises, not a single inch of me didn't have at least some form of welt or scratch, and I could barely stand, exhausted from the malnutrition. My hair was all knotted and horrible from not being permitted to shower without permission, and the thought that Father always insisted on watching me, even when I'd first got here...

It was weird, knowing that I'd be free from this place tomorrow. I was...scared. Scared to leave. I didn't know...anything about how to live on my own. A toaster genuinely might as well be a ufo for all I care, because there was no way in hell I'd know how to use one! Not a single bone in my body had even a shred of self-sufficiency, and that scared me. It almost made me want to stay here, suffering for the rest of my life, terrified of the responsibilities of the outside world.

UA was a place where I became someone that I wasn't. I had to put on a bravado, and saunter around like I owned the place. It was mainly because it was my freedom, and I expressed myself the best I knew how when given the chance. Nobody at school could ever guess I lived such an abhorrent life back here at home, given how seemingly proud I was at school. I mostly did the cocky walk to hide a limp...

I slowly rolled my little suitcase down the stairs of the house, unable to carry it because it was too heavy for my weak arms. I propped it by the door, and announced my departure to Father.

"I-I'm going now...."

"Yeah, I know. Don't come back, or I'll fucking kill you."

I had to bite back the urge to say "love you too", as I knew that'd only make my situation worse. I'd spent hours applying foundation to hide the bruises, and managed to sneak some of Father's deodorant on, and use some dry shampoo from Mother's beauty corner. It made me semi-presentable in my very loose clothing. I set off on the short walk to UA with my suitcase in tow, terrified of what lay ahead of me.

Aizawa waited for us at the gates, and showed us our new dorm building. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't impressed by it. I was eager to see my room, and find out how much stuff I didn't understand. Turns out, a lot...we had individual washing machines, dryers, tv's and shower rooms, as well as a double bed each. It was a lot more than I'd expected, and I found myself overwhelmed. Still, when that Shitty Haired guy came over, I kept up my scowly facade

"Hey Bro, whaddya think?"

"I don't fucking know yet, I haven't seen it!"

"Chill out Kacchan! I bet the rooms are amaaaazing!" Dunce Face piped up, and I just ignored him. I didn't have time for their antics today, and was itching to get to the room. Aizawa handed me a key, and I went rather quickly to my room, ignoring the other extras as they ogled at the common room. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, greeted by a cold breeze. I shivered in it, before slowly lifting the small suitcase onto the bed with all the strength I could manage. I unzipped it, and quickly unpacked my clothes into the wardrobe, and the rest of my few possessions. My room was bare and open, and I poked around it, looking for things I understood.

Oven? Nope, I'd burn myself....the washing machine would probably explode if I tried...I bet I could manage the kettle?

Sure enough, I flicked the little button thingy on the side of the kettle and it boiled. I was pleased that I'd managed something, and made a note to privately watch Shitty Hair using these things and take notes. I'll figure it out at some point in the near future, I guess...

I shivered in the cold, and inspected the radiator. I found the little twisty thing and turned it to five, and I felt heat course through it a couple of minutes later. It felt good to be warming up the room, but I suddenly felt a wave of sadness over me. I was alone... If I'd been at home, Father would've done all of these things for me and more. And I was such an ungrateful bitch to think I should leave...

My conflicting emotions about this place eventually led to the inevitable. I sat in the corner of my (very nice) shower room, and cried. I cried until I threw up, my chest heaving painfully every time I gagged.

I didn't necessarily want...help, as such. I just wanted to be told that what I was going through wasn't normal. I wanted reassurance that I was normal, not an "it's ok" kind of person. I didn't want help.

I just wanted somebody's understanding
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*looks at Bakugo*

Oh dear, oh dear, gorgeous

*looks at 'Father'*

YOU FUCKING DONKEY!

Fact of the Day: Bakugo's shower room is very nice 👍