Natuyo na ang mga luha ko sa ibabaw ng magkabila kong pisngi nang tapusin ko na ang aking pag-iyak dito sa may rooftop ng isang abandonadong gusaling malapit sa eskuwelahan, kung saan ako idinala ni Greg.
It was the right place when one intends to have a clear mind. Just like how empty it was, it was effectively emptying me, too. But no one knows how long its effectiveness will last. I hope it will be long enough for my heart and mind to forget.
Pansin ko ay rito ang palagi niyang tambayan dahil mukhang kabisado niya na ang lugar noong papaakyat pa lamang kami kanina.
It was peaceful here. It felt like home. But only to him. It is because he chose to live in it and chose to know the place well.
But for me, I couldn't even find my real home. I don't know where I want to live. I don't see a place I want to know. I don't know anymore. For me, it was like an endless quest... a meaningless adventure that would only bring me to the world's edge, where no one even lives.
Lucky him.
I then weakly looked at the same sky again. The sun was almost settling down, and here I was, already feeling the dark thoughts come back as the same darkness returned by occupying the sky.
Nakaupo ako ngayon sa isang malapad na mesang may kaunting katangkaran lamang. Katabi ko naman si Greg na kasalukuyan namang naninigarilyo pati na rin ang mga bote ng alak na paniguradong nilaklak niya na noong nakaraan.
I sighed.
Wala na naman akong maramdaman. This time, it was even worse than what I had felt for the past week.
The blowing wind was supposed to feel cold on top of my exposed skin. A roaming insect's bite was supposed to hurt with each poke. The scattered dirt and the cigarette smoke were supposed to irritate my lungs. But I did nothing to resist them... like I didn't even feel anything at all.
Like I wasn't hurt by their sweet shadows.
Nolan...
May alam pa ba kaya siya tungkol sa akin? About my whereabouts? About what was happening to me? At home? In school? About Prof. Madrid's compliments on me? About me getting sick? About me passing out lately? About what was really hurting me? Yesterday? Today? Don't tell me it will hurt again tomorrow.
A fog of breath, smaller than Greg's cigarette smoke, appeared in front of my eyes as I let out a mocking laugh.
How naive of me to say that when it was totally the opposite.
May alam pa ba ako tungkol sa kaniya?
Just by letting that question run in circles in my mind, I finally felt an aching pain.
Nagsimula ulit na pumungay ang mga mata ko at naramdaman ko na naman ang unti-unting pagbagsak ng aking mga luha. Pinigilan ko naman iyon at saka ako suminghot bago pa ako maabutan ng katabing lalaki sa ganoong anyo.
Ngayon ay nakatingin na nga siya sa akin. The look in his eyes he was giving right now was telling the truth again, as if he was reading me deeply and ordering me not to hide anymore.
I saw him raise his eyebrow in a mocking curve, along with his smirk that would probably lure girls his age.
"Cry, baby," he said, the same suffocating smoke escaping from his talking mouth.
And just like that, I cried so hard before I let him envelop me with a hug.
He then tapped my back and whispered, "Crybaby."
Mugto na ang mga mata ko nang makauwi na ako sa apartment. Napansin pa iyon ni Mama Tatiana at saka niya pa pinuna noong kumain kami ng hapunan.
Wow. First fucking time.
BINABASA MO ANG
Someone in the Crowd
Roman d'amourBOOK 1 "How does it feel to be that someone in the crowd who has always been lucky to be found?" Sitti, the never-been-seen, thirsts for becoming a successful theatre actress. Despite the miniscule amount of attention she constantly receives, she s...
