Streetlight [Changlix]

2

"I don't want to show you, I'm weak and I'm out of shape
For those who relied on me, this is a contradiction
Pretending to be strong and not sick
I just want to be a force for someone"

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Tw// this chapter contains an anxiety attack

Read with caution.

Read final note!

—————

"Morning.", Chan greeted, and the shorter gave him a small smile.

He knew Chan always kept an eye on him, specially in the morning, trying to understand in which mood the shorter was that day, at least for starters.

"Morning, what are we eating?", Changbin forced his voice to sound more exited than he truly felt, and it pained him how truthful Chan's smile was.

"Whatever you want, I haven't quite though about it yet."

Changbin nodded.

"I'm just taking this, then, I'm going to the studio."

"Just an Apple?", he nodded, and the leader sighed."okay, do you need help there?"

"Nah, just working in some lyrics, I can't seem to finish this song."

Chan tilted his head like a puppy.

"Song?"

"Just something I'm trying to work on, don't worry, I'll show it when I manage." He smiled again, desperate to leve the dorm, and grabbed his backpack, throwing it on his back and waving at Jisung, who sat on the couch.

"Someone's talkative today.", Jisung snorted. "I hope he stays that way."

Chan shrugged, letting himself fall next to the younger.

"You know he's faking it."

"I know, but today it seemed a bit easier to force out."

"That's even worse. He's getting too good at it. I'm glad he does sometimes, I don't want IN and Felix to know how he has been doing."

Jisung nodded, turning the tv on.

"We need to do something."

"It's been 3 years. He would have let us in by now, he just won't open up."

"He has to. At least with someone I-" he stopped, moving around in the couch only to stare at the ceiling. "I can't image how he must feel, not having anyone to be with him through those moments."

Chan didn't have to ask. They've seen his attacks a lot of times. He didn't like being touched, in general. Chan had learnt that the hard way, and even though Changbin let him slightly brush against him sometimes, or hold his arm during Vlives, when he acted all bubbly and happy for Chan's Room. He found himself wishing that would be the real Changbin , some day. A happy Changbin.

"I know. I really wish that too."

—————

Changbin couldn't focus, it was just impossible.

He was stuck in literally the first verse, but it's as if nothing came to his mind.

Every time he sat in that goddam street, he had so many words and ideas flooding his head, he talked to the stars and dropped them there, but as soon as he left, it was like his ideas all ran way, not wanting to be put into a paper.

It was annoying, very annoying. He couldn't even write a song anymore, what was he doing there? At the company, in Straykids? Why was he still there? Nothing. He could do nothing.

He hit his own head slightly.

"Useless piece of shit.", muttered, the words sounded softer, but the still hurt. "I can't believe this shit, it can' be that h-hard."

Changbin whined at the usual feeling. His heart race picking up, his eyes wet and his breathing fast.

Not again.

Without thinking, he dialed a number on his phone, begging the boy wouldn't be at practice at that time of the afternoon.

"Bin? You okay?"

"S-studio... p-plea-"

"On my way, don't move, breathe for me."

Chagbin followed his breaths, knowing damn well Felix was currently running to him. That made him feel better.

He let himself slide to the floor, choking a sob as the door opened.

Felix threw his gym bag to the couch and kneeled next to him.

"Baby, look at me. Hey? Here.", a smile. "That's it, breathe for me, Bin."

Changbin took his first deep breath, his hands clutching Felix's sweatshirt as if the younger was the whole world.

✅Revised

I just want to state that everyone that has anxiety/panic attacks feels them in a different way and I personally describe them as I fell them. I feel comfortable writing about this because it's a thing I can describe correctly instead of other serious issues I'm not that familiar with, not only because it is good for the plot ( the experience, I mean ) but also because I don't want to induce anyone in error.

This is how I feel them, but other people might deceive them differently, even you, so be aware that an anxiety attack does not necessarily need to happen this way, or be felt this way.

Also know my dms on Twitter are always open @/8matryoshkass because here I never check them, but if you ever need to talk, about anything at all, I am here.

Take care, and I hope you enjoyed today's chapter!

Alexa play Lo$ser = Lover by Txt.