Streetlight [Changlix]

1

"After the end of a lonely day
I'm standing in the air
In the middle of a lonely night
And try to smile brightly"

Changbin groaned as he messed up his doodle, cursing under his breath and he ran a finger over it, blurring as well as he could and begging the white paper to absorve at least a bit. He couldn't start it again, not now.

He carefully picked the line he had been tracing before his hand shook and ruined it, contorting the shadows until if formed the rest of the left eye, loving the way that part of the boy's face covered his previous drawing of the city at night.

The chaotic page felt like his life, no organization, no color, no meaning.

Changbin sighed and closed his notebook, rolling his eyes at himself for letting his talented hand draw Felix once again.

It had to be, what? The third time that week? Maybe the fourth.

He had lost count.

Changbin knew he couldn't blame himself, Felix was the first person that came to his mind since he met the Australian, no matter what situation it was.

He was sad, Felix. He was happy, Felix. He was scared, Felix.

Though emotions, in general, had never been Changbin's speciality, he did know how much Felix meant to him. He just couldn't risk it, losing him. Or anything like that.

The boy leaned back on the street bench, letting the only street lamp temporarily blind him, as if staring into the sun after a while he turned to look at the sky, simply to see the light that his eyes kept, moving around in between the stars. He smiled.

His phone buzzed in the pocket, and he didn't need to check it to know Chan was telling him he needed to come back.

He closed his eyes, enjoying the night's breeze just a bit longer.

His members knew how he was. They knew he loved them but couldn't quite express it, and though Changbin knew it pained them, he also couldn't be more grateful to them for always letting him have his space, even when he maybe didn't need it.

They weren't dumb, they knew Changbin struggled, with himself, with his life, with everything. They just wanted to help but none of them wanted to pressure, so they left him alone.

Everyone but Felix.

The literal ball of sunshine that the younger was was literally incapable of keeping Changbin alone. He always noticed when Changbin was tired, and made excuses to Chan so they could bail. He knew when Changbin was sad and knew exactly how to make him feel better. He noticed when he was getting anxious or worse, and always held his hand.

Away from cameras and eyes.

Felix also knew how anxious Changbin was about touch in general, and he respected it without the older having to ask anything.

He always waited until they were alone to do anything, or subtly held him in ways no one could notice during the day, or with the other members.

Changbin also felt bad about that.

They all knew Felix was the way he was, and the boy didn't hide that he cared for Changbin, and still pushed more than the others, but Changbin couldn't help it but to wander if he told them. If he only had the courage to show them he was okay with Felix's touch, Felix's words and his presence. Maybe they could sleep better.

Specially Chan.

His phone buzzed again and he got up, frustrated. He grabbed his notebook and walked down the silent street, letting the stars fill his thought as he left the lamp post behind, passing through all the other ones, the old rusty that didn't work anymore.

The street, right next to jyp, but to an opposite end, has nothing but old, abandoned stores and what had been houses, one day. Homes even.

There was trash on the floor, graffiti everywhere, but Changbin found it the most beautiful place in the whole city, or even country.

When he stared back at it, back at the Main Street, he could see, every day, the bench he sat on, writing songs and drawing, in the middle of 6 others that hadn't worked in years.

He smiled, remembering why he drew Felix there so much.

That was Felix to him, a small light within darkness, a spark between ashes.

If only he let the fire burn.

✅Revised

Alexa play Steetlight by Changbin.

The only comment I have to this today is that I teares up a lot writing this story...

Good luck :)