You Had My Heart [DISCONTINUED]

Stop staring at me

I woke up to a loud knock on the front door of Joel's apartment. I slowly got out of bed and opened the door of my room slightly and poked my head out. Five men were piling into Joel's  apartment. I guess this is where we were meeting today. I closed my door and I got changed into a pair of black skinny jeans and a cropped slipknot t-shirt. I did some simple makeup; Foundation, Concealer, Powder, Bronzer, Highlight and blush before finishing the look with some winged eyeliner and clear lipgloss. I checked my phone before preparing to leave my room and see the boys again. It was already 3pm so I expected that we must have stayed up pretty late last night.

I walked out of my room and went straight to the kitchen. I got myself a can of coke out of the fridge and headed to the living room where the boys were all sat either on or around Joel's sofa.

»Morning, Luna! How did you sleep?« Aleksi said as he got up to hug me. It was a very tight hug, I could tell that he had missed me since we were so used to being together all the time in The Netherlands.

»Morning Aleksi, I slept really well thanks. Hi guys!« I said and waved at the rest of them while exiting the hug. »Thanks again for letting me stay here« I turned to Joel. His bright blue eyes stared right into mine. He had such beautiful eyes, I could stare into them for hours.

»My pleasure« Joel replied still staring at me. I didn't realise how long we were staring at each other for until Niko spoke up.

»Have a seat then, you can't stand around all day« He said and started laughing. All the boys joined in including Joel. Well that's a way to make my feelings even more obvious to everyone.

I sat next to Aleksi on the couch and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me, exactly how Joel was holding me yesterday in the car. Why do all of my thoughts always go back to Joel? I was cuddled up with Aleksi, why was I thinking about Joel? The boys were quick to change the subject and started talking about writing a new song with Aleksi, it would be his first song with them as an official member of Blind Channel. Of course I was excited for Aleksi but I couldn't help the fact that I so desperately wanted to be with his bandmate. Would he allow it or would he be annoyed at me? I also wasn't sure if i'm ready to move on quite yet. My last relationship was very toxic and I had been emotionally, physically and sexually abused by my ex. Aleksi knew about my past but no one else did. Not even my own mother. I know i'll have to open up one day to the people I trust but I wasn't ready for that day yet. However, if I want to start a relationship with someone else, I'd have to warn them about my triggers and if I wanted to be close friends with Aleksi's bandmates i'd have to tell them eventually too.

»I'm getting kinda hungry, can we order a pizza or something?« Tommi asks.

»Sure, i'll order enough for all of us« Olli replies and orders the pizza.

Once it had arrived, me and Aleksi shared a large pepperoni pizza.

»Are you sure you two are just friends?« Joonas asks with a cheeky grin on his face.

Me and Aleksi look at each other and start laughing. We get teased all the time because we do everything together but aren't actually together romantically, so we kinda expected the guys to question our friendship.

»I'm sure« I reply. »We've been friends for as long as I can remember so we're just really close.« The conversation about relationships continued as they turned to Niko who has a girlfriend. The boys were being boys asking the most strange questions you could ever be asked about a relationship but Niko just had a proud smirk on his face while telling the boys all the details.

»Do we really need to hear this?« I ask.

All the boys turned their heads to me and at the same time said »yes!«

I laughed and left the room because I certainly did not need to hear about Nikos love life, I didn't need those images in my head. Not soon after I had left the living room, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I opened the door to see Joel stood behind it.

»The boys want you back in the living room« He said coldly. What had happened? Did I do something wrong? Did the boys do something to upset him? His eyes looked blankly at me. There was no emotion in them however he still looked as if he was angry at someone or something. »Stop staring at me and get in there« He said and started to walked away from my room. What was that for? I stood at my door for another minute just staring at nothing. Somehow Joel being mad at me made me upset. I wanted to get along with him. I wanted to cuddle up to him. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way? After a few minutes I closed the door behind me and made my way back to the boys.

»Niko's finished explaining, this room is safe« Joonas says and giggles. I take a seat next to Joonas on the sofa because he seems pretty friendly. I mean all of them do but Joonas was the first of them that i've had a proper conversation with so I didn't mind sitting next to him.

»So am I the only one here with a significant other?« Niko asks. »Is anyone seeing anyone?«

»I'm talking to this girl I met at a bar last week« Olli replies.

»Is she hot?« Joonas asks with a big smile on his face.

»You bet!« Olli continues.

»I've got my eyes on someone« Joel says. Shit. He's already found someone else. My heart sunk after hearing that sentence. The smile on my face disappeared after hearing that Joel has eyes for another girl. I know Aleksi realised that this hurt me because he looked at me as I looked at the floor.

»Are you okay, Luna?« He said after the boys had stopped chatting to Joel.

»Erm.. Yeah I-« I didn't know what to say. I couldn't turn to Joel and tell him I like him when he's just told us about another girl, so I figured that the only way to get out of this was to make it seem like I was thinking about my past. »I just don't think i'm ready to talk about relationships just yet... You know?« I asked Aleksi and he knew exactly what I was hinting to.

»Oh my gosh, I didn't even think of that. Of course it's fine. We're sorry!« Aleksi said with a guilty expression on his face. However it was me that felt bad, because I had now used my past as an excuse to not tell him that I want to legit fuck one of his best friends.

»It's ok, don't worry about it« I replied with a smile on my face. The others just looked at us confused. I know they're gonna ask what this conversation between me and Aleksi meant, but I could tell that they understood that now isn't the right time.