The next three weeks just sort of came and went... And nothing. The girls kept telling me that they'd spoken to her- she would call every other night, yet no one seemed to know where she was, or where she'd been.
Collins told me that she felt like her mother was still in California somewhere, hiding out to get away from all the chaos for a little while. And Barbara had the idea that Stevie had up and left the country, escaping reality as best she could until she figured out how to cope. But I knew better then to believe either of those accusations. I knew she wasn't home and I knew that she wasn't in a different country... or at least she wasn't the last time I'd seen her.
I still felt like she was in Atlanta, trying to make things right, or something crazy like that.
She had always had the biggest heart out of anyone I had ever known. She was a giver and I knew she wouldn't leave that city until she felt like her job there was complete.
But after a while it all kind of just became odd, it really did. She was just sort of this person we'd bring up in every other conversation, yet there were moments where it felt like she didn't even really exist and it had only been a couple of weeks.
Everyone tried getting ahold of her- everyone, but that was at a time when we didn't have cell phones... No one could talk to her unless she called home, which is exactly how she liked it.
If she didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be... that's just who she was.
Anyway, the weeks that followed were weird and went by in the blink of an eye. One minute I was stepping off the plane in LA and the next minute I was getting fitted for my tuxedo.
It was crunch time and Stevie still wasn't there... You know it's pretty bad when you're sitting with your fiancé's family, yet you're constantly thinking about a different woman.
It was probably a major red flag.
"Well, don't you look handsome." Barbara gave me a gentle grin, lightly readjusting my tie as she stood right in front me.
We were all at Stevie's house- that's where the girls had been staying, so that's where I'd been spending a lot of my time.
They needed some sort of structure, even in the midst of all the chaos.
"And you're as beautiful as always." I glanced down at her, a small smile trailing across my face the moment my eyes met hers.
She was such a special woman- a tough woman, but one of a kind, nonetheless.
"I'm very excited for you, honey." She added, patting my shoulder softly. "You'll make such a great husband." She slowly backed up, brown eyes falling towards the shag carpet.
I grew quiet for a moment, biting down on the inside of my cheek before I replied. "I wish she were here." I wasn't afraid to admit that to Barbara- she wanted her there too, but if I'd said that aloud to just about anyone else it would have been deemed unacceptable.
It was the night of the rehearsal dinner, less than twenty- four hours before the wedding and panic had really started to set in. It felt like it had crept up so fast- too fast, almost.
I wasn't ready and for some reason, no matter how hard I tried to remind myself that I didn't need Stevie there, I really thought I did.
It felt like I'd known her as long as I had known myself... I couldn't get married without her.
"This is about you and Shelly, Lindsey." She gave me a soft smile as tears quickly filled her eyes. "Don't let that ruin your day, please." She let out a tear filled laugh- one that sounded about as sad as I felt. "I always tell myself that what's meant to be will always find a way with you and Stephanie." Barbara added right before the sound of heels hitting the old tile floor caught our attention. "So be happy." She whispered in a rushed tone.
"Dad?" Collins peeked her head around the corner, glancing into the living room with a welcoming smile. "There you two are. Are you guys ready?" She wondered as she slipped further into the room.
With a gentle nod, Barbara patted under her eye lightly. "Of course, I was just helping your father with his tie." She mentioned, eyes silently assuring me that it was all going to be okay.
I wanted to be excited, I really did, but I couldn't shake the feeling that what I was getting ready to do just wasn't right... It wasn't the plan.
But we all still piled into separate cars, all of us splitting up to head towards the venue.
We were having a huge wedding- not something I necessarily wanted, but I figured that if it made Shelly happy, I should be happy too. We were expecting hundreds of people- more people then I even socialized with.
"You're late..." Shelly greeted us as soon as we stepped out onto the hot concrete right outside the venue.
Pulling open the back door, I held out my hand to help Maci out. "Traffic." I lied, eyes never meeting hers.
I couldn't look at her. I couldn't bring myself to.
~
"Aren't you supposed to be with your friends, being wild since it's your last single night?" Barbara half smiled, setting a cup of coffee down in front of me before she took a seat next to Jess on the sofa.
We had gotten back to Stevie's about an hour earlier- after the rehearsal, dinner, cocktails and Shelly splitting up to go spend the night with all of her bridesmaids... I needed to moment alone, or at least some time away from her.
Chuckling softly, I gave her a simple shrug. "I think that's what young bachelors do... I have kids." I was sitting in the accent chair across the room, still in my tux- I hated that stupid thing... I just wanted to get married in jeans and a t-shirt.
"You've always been such a good father." She assured, bringing her cup up to her lips to take a quick sip.
"Yeah, and you're going to have a great day tomorrow." Jess hadn't said too much all night- he was a man of few words, but that night was just different.
He had told me, out on the balcony that he was proud of me... Yeah, proud- that's the word he used. He told me that he really thought I was doing the right thing by letting go.
I didn't feel that way, not for a split second.
"It's going to be such a bea-" just as she was getting ready to finish her sentence, the sound of the front door creeping open caused silence to wash over the entire room.
Turning in my chair, I remember how long that moment seemed to last...
But the second she stepped through the doorway, I could tell... I could tell by the puffiness in her cheeks and small bags under her eyes.
I had only seen her look like that twice before.
