𝐁𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐨 - (𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇)

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟔

Acrid, paralyzing shock oozed across Todoroki's tongue. He remained silent and still in the grasp of the person holding him back from the edge of the bridge, but the interlude of silence and clicking from the rain could not allay his fear of being stopped.

"I know you're going through a lot, but I'm not gonna let you do this. I care about you, man... It's okay not to be okay. You wanna talk about it?" Kirishima's voice was abraded by the rain smacking the ground and the stupefaction lancing through Todoroki's sensibility.

He followed me, Todoroki wanted to whisper to himself. Why? Kirishima...why?! I called him Katsuki. I shouldn't have assumed. Why isn't he mad at me? It feels like I can't breathe. My chest hurts. I regret saying anything at all. I regret leaving Katsuki's dorm. I regret trying to die tonight. Why...did this have to happen!? Mistake after mistake, I just keep fucking everything up without even trying. Now that I've called him Katsuki, I want to escape from this entire situation. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. I... I don't want to fucking face reality. I never did, but especially not now. Of all people, why did you have to be here right now? It hurts just to hear your voice. Stop trying to rip me apart with that kindness...

I was so close. Let me leave this pain behind, because no matter what I do, I can't kill it off. It feels like my head is being forced underwater, but before I can die and be free of the agony, my head is lifted, and I'm forced to breathe again. But before I can catch my breath, my head goes back down, and the agony starts again, going on and on and on. There it was. I was out of breath again, but there's someone stopping me from drowning out the pain for good. My head is being lifted out of the water. Why? Why do you care? Why would you make me suffer through this hell again?! No. I can jump. Unlike Katsuki, he can't get me. Jump. Jump. Get out. JUMP, DAMMIT!

An insurgence of the rage that Todoroki had swallowed down insidiously rose like a shot of bile, but in an instant, he had unfettered an eruption of serrated blades of ice from behind him. Lances of ice were unearthed with each movement he made, and as he kicked himself free of Kirishima's Quirk-enhanced embrace, he scrambled to stand and grip the railing of the bridge. His lungs felt as though they were being strangled as he clawed the slick railing and began to lift himself over it; glaucous stalagmites of ice cut into his arms from beneath him while frost razed his right half.

"TODOROKI!" Kirishima shrieked through the bellowing of the shattered ice being torn asunder and launched in fragments in all directions from the inimical territory. "WAIT! It won't hurt forever! STOP! TODOROKI!" He rammed through the onslaught of ice barriers that formed almost interminably in an urgent endeavor to save Todoroki from himself.

GET OVER THE FUCKING RAILING! Todoroki screamed at himself while his adrenaline howled through his veins. JUMP! JUMP!

As Todoroki swung his legs over the railing, something latched onto his right ankle, and abruptly, he was torn back from the ledge as his grip shattered. He clawed at the ground that was mantled by a layer of water as Kirishima called out his name again, but he didn't care. Todoroki just wanted to die.

With a livid cry of desperation, Todoroki lunged for the edge of the bridge and nailed Kirishima in the chest. Yet, as his own chest slammed into the railing, Todoroki's heart splintered in his stomach, and the shards punctured his insides as the roar of explosions crackled in the distance.

It's right there! Todoroki inwardly roared. The end of this endless cycle is right in front of me. Day after day of fighting the crushing reality behind the thought that tomorrow, it'll be easier... No. It never is! And it makes me dread trying to do anything today, so I shove it off to tomorrow, when things will surely be brighter. But it's all the fucking same! He struggled as though kicking in his death throes to force himself over the edge of the bridge. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow... Days turn into weeks, and I still haven't done anything because "tomorrow" is nothing but hell when it was supposed to be even just a tiny, tiny improvement from yesterday. I can't start a fresh day when the grime of yesterday still clings to me, accumulates over time, and can't be washed away with any methods I've tried.

"Please!" Kirishima pleaded while hooking himself around Todoroki's back. "Todoroki, you don't have to do this!" He dragged Todoroki back from the ledge again and collapsed onto the bridge with Todoroki secured in his arms. "Listen... T-Todoroki!" He grunted as Todoroki bashed his elbow into his collar bone. "It gets better... Ouch! I know you're hurt, but I promise you can get through it..."

Todoroki was quaking with his arrant, apoplectic wrath. He abhorred every word that Kirishima had uttered to him. He detested the fact that Kirishima had followed him. He loathed himself for not jumping immediately once he'd arrived at the bridge. Everything felt like a sickening, arduous task that yielded nothing but torment.

Get through it? What?! Get through what?! There's absolutely nothing wrong with my life, but the pain and exhaustion only grow. How can I feel so fucking miserable when I have it all?! Others suffer from depression because of difficult times, the loss of a loved one, divorce, bullying, their appearance, their identity, and so many other things... What am I struggling with!? Nothing... I'm the one making my life a living hell. I'm doing this all to myself, but it's all I know how to do. I have no fucking reason to be depressed!

Despite his efforts to choke back his words, Todoroki vituperated, "I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING PLATITUDES! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW ME?!" Bursts of searing saffron fulminated towards the bridge, and in his vehement desperation to die, Todoroki hammered his foot against Kirishima's ankle and deliberately tripped him; Todoroki was released while Kirishima toppled back.

JUMP, YOU FUCKING COWARD!

"OI!" bellowed Bakugou as Todoroki flung himself over the railing of the bridge and was gradually swallowed by the abyss lurking below. "GODDAMMIT, SHITTY HAIR! ICYHOT, YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! WE'RE NOT FUCKING LETTING YOU KILL YOURSELF!" While Todoroki plummeted into the rain and the night, a falling star was launched towards him.

What's the point in keeping me alive?! Todoroki's mind shrieked. To show me happiness again? To make me feel better? I'll just fuck it up! I fucked up my own life without even trying! I was given so much, and yet, I'm trying to die like the depressed fool that I am. Why? WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH MY LIFE TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE THIS?! NOTHING! Nothing... He's going to save me. No... No!

"WHY?! WHY WON'T YOU LET ME DIE?! STOP! LET ME GO! STOP!" Todoroki rancorously inveighed as a bath of rippling explosions blinded him.

Landing back atop the bridge with Todoroki curled into his arms, Bakugou snapped, "WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE?!" He grunted and reeled back once Todoroki's knuckles struck his cheek.

"Guys, calm down!" Kirishima splayed his fingers and gestured for Todoroki and Bakugou to stop. "Getting physical's just gonna make things worse..." He offered Bakugou a sympathetic side glance.

Todoroki flinched, but with lips pulled back, he raked his nails across Bakugou's wet, exposed flesh. You don't understand...how much torture you're putting me through! I hate feeling all these fucking emotions, but when it's all numb, I want to feel the pain. I've never been so violent before. I've never screamed... No. Stop. I couldn't do anything! I was paralyzed. I didn't understand the feeling. When Endeavor found out...

"Get over yourself and pull yourself together. There's nothing that gives you any right to feel like this!"

I was young, but the urge to hurt myself was there. It faded as I got older, but it came back! Why?! Just a normal day...and suddenly, I had the horrible, burning itch to cut until there was nothing left of me. All because of what he fucking said! What he fucking did! Every time I think I've forgotten, it all comes back to me, and I want to scream. I want to tear my eyes out. I want to beat the shit out of something-anything. Even if it means ripping Katsuki apart to do it, I just want to fucking die...