Greyhound Bound for Nowhere

Rain on the Windows

The rain was falling down in sheets. It wasn't raining when I got to the station, but once the world felt my pain, it started. My heart was breaking into a million little pieces. I didn't even say goodbye, I just left. I left it all behind. Because that was easier than trying to fix any of it.

There was a phone ringing. I felt an ache inside my chest. I wanted that to be him, searching for me. I wanted that scene from every movie to play out: he would run through the station and beg me to stay. He would tell me he had left her, and we would run off into the sunset together.

But this Isn't a movie, this is real life. Real life didn't always have happy endings.

I stood up straighter. I didn't want it to be him, I wouldn't want him anymore. I could push down my pain, because my pride was more important. I wouldn't let myself be in love with someone who wasn't in love with only me. That isn't how love is supposed to work.

The bus pulled up to the curb and we all got ready. Some people had umbrellas, which was stupid since the time between the rain and the bus door was literally three seconds long. I held onto the strap of my duffel bag, hoping that my best friend wasn't kidding when she told me I always had a place to stay.

I had given up half of my life for him. Now I had to reclaim the life I had lost. Maybe I didn't get that fairytale ending, but at least I could say I hadn't lost myself. I was still as strong as the day I met him. Possibly stronger.

"Clarke!" I heard my name as I got closer to the rain. I closed my eyes, ignoring his voice. I heard people telling him to slow down, I heard them annoyed at him rushing the line.

The attendant look at me with a smile, "ticket."

I handed him the one way ticket and then put my duffel bag into the compartment as he scanned it. My heart was racing, it took everything in me not to look back and see how close he was. I let the rain hit me as I got my ticket back.

"Have a nice trip." He tipped his hat as I grabbed the handle and pulled myself up into the doorway of the bus. My heart froze inside my chest, this was it. I was finally walking away from the one person I thought I couldn't live without. He was everything I never thought I wanted. Then it turned out to be too good to be true.

I forced myself up the last step and knew I wouldn't have a nice trip. I was going to be stuck on this bus for two days. That's a long time when you're sitting still. That's a long time when you're trying to forget the heartache that's following you all the way back home. I walked down the aisle and found two empty seats near the back. I thought about sitting on the other side, facing away from the station.

I listened to my heart for the last time. I sat down at the window, sitting my purse on the floor. I watched him reached the front of the line and the attendant told him I was already on. He was stopped before he could get on with me. His eyes searched the windows, I could see how much pain was in them when he finally found me.

"Clarke please," his voice broke, but I shook my head. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't share someone I was in love with, "I love you."

I shook my head, "I can't love you anymore."

I didn't know if he could hear me, but I had to say the words out loud. I let out a breath as he stayed standing there. He stood in the rain, watching as I stayed on the bus. I had never been the first one to leave, I was always the first to give in during a fight. I loved him.

Things had to change. He couldn't get what he wanted. Not when he wanted the best of both worlds. I knew I should look away, but I kept watching him, waiting for him to leave.

Tears were clouding my vision as I pressed my hand to the glass. He needs me, but she needs him. I can't change that. There's some things that can't be undo. Finn stood there watching me, his tears bigger than mine. He knew why I had to go, he couldn't love us both, not at the same time.