Greyhound Bound for Nowhere

My hearts analyzing every word you said

I took a cold shower and put new clothing on. We checked out of the room and found the bus waiting for us. The new bus was better than the first one, it was a lot nicer. It seemed bigger, and the seats looked more comfortable. Bellamy didn't offer to carry my bag for me this time. We didn't say more than two words to each other after what happened in the bathroom. I took the same seat I had been in the first time around, wondering if he would find his way beside me again.

I was staring out the window, wondering how in the world I had gotten myself here.

I shouldn't have let myself fall for Octavia's brother. I shouldn't have thought this was a good idea. It's always fun in the dark, but forever doesn't mean forever in the morning light.

I buried my face in my hands trying as hard as I could not to start crying. I had been getting away from the pain, from Finn and all the heartache he caused me. Now here I was sitting on a bus pinning over Bellamy Blake, the boy no one could tame.

My seat sagged slightly, "hey princess, why so sad?"

I was surprised at his voice. The only thing he had said to me was that it was time to leave, and then asked me if I had everything. Everything else was grunting or silence between us. I could still feel him kissing me, I could still feel the weight of his hands on my waist. I wanted him to kiss me again. I wanted him to tell me to stop worrying and that we would figure this out. I also wanted him to sit somewhere else so I didn't have to remember how much it would hurt to lose him when the bus ride was over.

"I'm fine," I said pushing the tears away and letting my hands fall onto my lap.

He sighed, but didn't press me on the issue. I looked back towards the window, thinking back to the rain that had welcomed me the first time. I pulled my phone out and saw a text message from Octavia. She was excited about Bellamy and me again, and I sighed. What was I supposed to tell her? That I let her brother break my heart and now I didn't want to be around him anymore?

I typed a quick response telling her that the bus had gotten fixed and we were on our way home. She sent me a kissing face, and I saw Bellamy watching me text her, "she's worried about us."

"Yeah me too," his voice was soft and I had a feeling he hadn't meant to say the words out loud. I locked my phone and looked away from him, feeling exhausted from fighting myself and the feelings I was trying so hard not to feel anymore. All I could think about was Finn and his stupid face, telling me if I left I would never find someone who loved me the way he did.

Maybe he was right, maybe I never would fall in love, because I didn't deserve to be happy. Not after walking away from everything after we lost my dad.

I wiped away a tear before he saw it fall, leaning my head against the window. I winced as the bus hit a bump and felt it smack into the glass.

"That doesn't look comfortable," his voice was soft as he reached for my hand. I didn't protest when he pull me towards him and I laid my head on his nice warm shoulder, "that's better, huh?"

I didn't answer him, I just closed my eyes and tried to tune out everything around me. I closed my eyes, feeling his fingers run through my damp hair. I melted into him the way two puzzle pieces fit together, perfectly. My fingers kept running over his, and I felt warm in his embrace. I knew I shouldn't have laid on him, not when he pushed me away at the motel. He would say one thing and do another, it all felt like a game that I wasn't used to playing.

Bellamy's breathing evened out and I looked up to see his eyes closed. As he laid there I looked at the dimple on his chin, wondering how I had missed that last night. I sighed, wondering why I was laying on his shoulder when he decided it was over. But it wasn't over, it couldn't be. Because I felt too much for this to be over.