Greyhound Bound for Nowhere

You need me

I was groggy, still half asleep, when I heard the first cry. Then something hard hit my shin. I grunted as I moved my leg up and held onto it as the bruise formed. Still half asleep I wasn't sure where I was, or what was happening. I didn't remember falling asleep beside anyone. I yelped when a cold foot hit my other leg, and then opened my eyes. Bellamy was talking, not loudly but he was muttering in his sleep.

His eyes were closed tight, his hand reaching for something, "Jasper!" His voice was filled with pain, "no!"

"Bell," I shook his shoulder but the opposite of what I wanted to happen, happened. He didn't wake up, he didn't open his eyes. Instead he sat up and grabbed my throat with one hand pinning me down in the bed. He took me by surprise, but I knew that something was wrong. I tried to push his arms away from me but he was stronger.

"Stop! Bellamy!" My voice was strangled as I tried to fight him, but he tightened his grip.

I struggled for a breath and then waited a moment, losing more air. Then I placed my hand on his arm and stopped fighting. I just laid there, letting him hold my throat in his big lethal hands. My heart was pounding, but it worked. He loosened his grip, and slowly his eyes opened.

"Clarke?" His voice was filled with sleep and it was lower than normal. He looked down at me, tears filling his eyes as he realized what had happened. I could see him waking up, I could see him understanding why we were in this position. His hands fell off my neck in an instant, going towards his head.

He ran his hands through his hair as I fought off the tears and looked at him, "what happened? What's wrong?"

He shook his head, "I'm sorry, I didn't know it would happen. Here, with you, I just thought - I'm so sorry."

I knew this was as vulnerable as he would get. I didn't say anything, I pulled him into my chest and held him as the tears came. He didn't fight them, he didn't seem embarrassed to cry in front of me. He held onto me like I was his lifeline.

"Shh," I whispered running my fingers through his hair, "it's okay."

I kept running my hands through his hair. His tears soaking into his shirt. I took in a breath watching this change happen. One moment he was strong and careful, his hands making me melt as he touched me. And the next he was a weapon used to destroy the enemy. Now he was falling apart.

My heart hurt more for him than it did for me at that moment. I pressed my lips into his forehead, feeling his arms tighten around me. I laid my head in his chest as his sobs got softer, quieter.

Laying there beside him I realized I wasn't the only one running from something. I wasn't the only one with ghosts, but I was lucky. Mine weren't following me the way his were. Mine weren't as painful as his seemed to be. Maybe he wouldn't tell me what happened, but that didn't mean I wouldn't try and help ease his pain.

He didn't know it, but he had eased mine. It was only right I repay the favor.

---

The sun was shining through the curtains as I rolled over. Except I didn't roll, and my pillow was a lot firmer than I remembered it. Slowly the pieces unfolded, I remembered where I was. I remembered who I was with. Heat filled my cheeks as I opened my eyes, my head still resting on Bellamy's shirtless chest. He was awake, sitting up and running his fingers through my hair.

"Good morning princess," he whispered as I looked up at him. He was smiling, which seemed rare since we started this trip. Given what had happened last night, I was surprised he was in a good mood this morning.

I rubbed my eyes, "morning," I said yawning and stretching my arms, "so last night."

I was still in his shirt. I blushed again as he ran his fingers down my arms, "was pretty amazing," he finished my sentence, still staring down at me.