Heartstrings

Chapter 12: Borrowed and Blue

Jake's Perspective

When I shut the door to Emma's room, my legs gave out and I slowly sank to the floor, resting against her door. I thought I'd played my cards right, but she had just flipped the card table over.

On the other side of the door, I could hear her weeping, and through the darkness, I stared at the herringbone pattern of the wood floor helplessly. My mind clouded with doubt and I began to wonder if I had taken this all too far - I'd known I was pushing my luck in the first place. Not only was she out of my league, but she was actually right about a lot of things.

We couldn't do anything that would compromise my stay here and we had less than a year before we'd almost certainly go in different directions for college. On top of that, how the hell was I supposed to tell my best friend that I had feelings for his sister?

I wasn't sure what to do next. Her words echoed in my memory as I sat there for hours listening to her emotionally torture herself. It all gave me an eerie sense of deja vu - as a child I'd sat outside the door of a crying woman many times. I hated feeling shut out, like there was nothing I could do to change the situation for the rest of the night.

I just wished I could get just a glimpse of what she was thinking. I felt it in my bones that I could take away her loneliness if she'd only let me. But I was also torn, wondering if she was pushing me away because she was lying to herself or because she actually disliked me that much deep down.

When her sniffles and whimpers were finally drowned out by the overwhelming sound of sleep, I let myself drift off, right there outside her door. It was the only way I could feel close to her in that moment, as if the couch that was a mere four feet away would have made much of a difference in proximity.

Nonetheless, I only moved after I heard the faint sound of Sam's first alarm in the morning. And even then, I reluctantly trudged over to the couch. I crashed down onto it, pulling a thin blanket over me - but I didn't go back to sleep. I just stared at the floor.

X

By now, I had Emma's schedule memorized - therefore, I knew she had orchestra and private lessons from 9 am to 12 pm on Saturdays and from 2 to 4 pm on Sundays. So when I rose at 10 am that Sunday, I began to subtly put my plan into action.

I made sure that Sam and I went to the gym from noon to 2, and when we got home, he predictably took a long ass shower. Meanwhile I pretended to wait around in the common room for my turn to shower, but I actually snuck into Emma's room.

I scanned the room with the diligence of a covert op. It was so organized - everything had its place - and it was decorated so nicely with light nudes and earthy tones. I walked over to her side table and carefully looked through some of her books, making sure to put everything back in its place.

I opened the side table drawer and found it full of elegant jewelry. I continued my search until finally... I slid my hand under her pillow and found her journal. I did one last check to make sure everything was just as she'd left it, and I quietly exited the room.

Back in the common room, I put an ugly cloth book cover on the journal to disguise it - in case Sam came out - and I took a seat at the common room desk and pretended to do homework.

I knew that what I was doing was kind of evil... whatever was in this journal was none of my business, really. This was a sanctuary for her private thoughts and memories, and in a way, I was a thief - robbing her of the sanctity of privacy. But I had to know what was going on inside her head. And if she wasn't going to be honest with me, then I had to seek out her honesty elsewhere.