What is the feeling? No, what is the thought? It's the thoughts that cause the feeling; all of the feelings. Stop. Stop thinking. That thing is always going, isn't it? It won't stop on its own. I have to stop it forcefully and the force I apply is strong but doesn't endure, so it doesn't
Stop.
There's a pause.
The thoughts will pause briefly enough to let me know I've failed at changing the station, and at stopping the persistent noise altogether. I can't just stop. What about the feeling? The thoughts are not planted, they're generated somewhere deeper. The feelings? They can be influenced. So what happens if this mind of mine stops? The feelings might change. What am I feeling? If I knew, I'd stop.
Frantic. Is that a feeling; the feeling that I thought up? The thoughts are frantic, I'm feeling frantic. How do I stop? If I identify the thought will that make the feeling stop? What if the thought is a warning? The feeling plagues me. It makes me wonder why. What is the reason for the anxiety? Is there something amiss? Something I missed? I'm feeling frantic. I haven't figured out what the thought is that's behind this. Now I'm thinking the feelings are searching for a thought to blame. Maybe the source is the atmosphere. Maybe the air speaks to me intrinsically and without a thought, the feeling grows and it doesn't have words, it just knows. It can't tell me. I can only think and try to make it speak to me. When I generate the thought that I will say is behind this feeling, the feeling will become less abstract and more tangible. It will become an idea or a speculation or a presumption.
Once that happens and I can attach a meaning and a reason to the feeling, it will be beyond me. I could decide that the idea isn't valid and dismiss the thought, which might take the feeling with it. Maybe I'd be less frantic. But what if I believe it? What if the thought makes sense and I internalize it? I'll still be frantic.
For now I'll breathe, in and out, deeply and slowly; mindfully. Let go of feelings, release the breath, release the pressure, release the thoughts. For now, I'll stop.
