Things have been great since our first date on 1/15. It's 2/4...well at 119am it's actually 2/5. Hasn't been long but it's been enjoyable. Feels like we should be together. Not sure why it feels that way because it seems like he's resisting. It didn't seem that way at first but guess what....time tells these things. Things have been heating up physically and emotionally. We've been trying to find our way through...spending time together and seeing what that time brings us. It seems to bring us closer. Each time, it feels like we're bound a little tighter. But. Isn't there usually a but?
But. He is not ready to move forward. I think that means we met at the wrong time and I'll smile back on us and wave at the passing memories. He told me that's not what he meant when he told me he wasn't ready. He said he'd fix it...more or less. I'm not sure about that. I don't believe it will work that way. I'm up writing a note because I'm trying to go to sleep but I watched a movie with two people who were so swept away in love and all I could think of was him and how he's been distant today. He said he'd test me "again" soon, after coming to see me late on Tuesday night as opposed to much earlier in the day.......but I just don't feel like this one is a test.
I couldn't be mad at him. This seems to be a theme for me as of late, with the gentlemen in my life. I think it's a combination of my growth emotionally and the manifestation of that in my more robust and fulfilling relationships with them....to the point that it isn't damaging and painful when the discovery is made that they are temporary. I've loved quickly before. It was genuine, but fleeting. I see the mismatches in energy...as I've often remarked. What I see now is the mismatch in intention. Not the right time. So not the right one. That's okay. I love me.
I think he cares for me. And if he were here tomorrow with me to hold me in the rain, I would welcome him and make him comfortable. All while remaining capable of letting him go if it's necessary. I hope we get one slow dance...so we can share the movement of love with each other, before it escapes us.
