Yungblud Imagines

Home Alone

⚠️WARNING:⚠️  Self Harm

Today, I was home alone. Nobody was with me. Not my friends, not my family, not my boyfriend, it was just little old me on my own. In the beginning of the day, I was fine with it. My boyfriend, Dom was back in Doncaster to celebrate his sister's birthday but I had to stay in London to watch over the house and go to work. I had been shopping for groceries and some extra clothes, I even bought some plant seeds to start growing fruits and vegetables. Once I got home from shopping and put everything away, I was left with barely anything to do before going to work. I had been practicing guitar for a few weeks with Dom helping me so I tried practicing what he had taught me. I did this for about an hour when I finally gave in. I decided to put YouTube on my TV and scroll through. As I scrolled through, the main people I saw were girls who were a lot skinner and prettier than me. I was quite sensitive to that sort of thing so I decided to just play some music instead. I played some music that Dom made, specifically Polygraph Eyes, Braindead and Hope For The Underrated Youth. All through these songs, my mind was still fixated on my thoughts.

Those girls are a lot skinnier than you. Lose some weight.

Those girls do their make up so much better. Go get some help for that.

Those girls are so much prettier without make up than you. Go get plastic surgery

It was almost time for me to head to to work so I started to get ready. I put on my white button up shirt with a pencil skirt and a pair of tights to go underneath. I added some black heels to my outfit then grabbed my glasses from my bedside table and put them on top of my head. I avoided looking in the mirror while I dressed because I couldn't afford to be late because I was crying about my appearance. I went to put on my make up as usual but didn't look at my face as a whole, I looked at one area at a time.

Once my make up was done, I grabbed my bag and shoved in my house keys, my phone and some extra make up for a top up. Once I double checked that I had everything, I took my car keys and exited my house. I sat in my car, put my bag in the passenger seat then started the ignition and drove off to work.

~~Time Skip~~

I came home to a dark, lonely house. I sighed, flipped the main lights on then tossed my bag next to the stairs. I shrugged off my coat and hung it up on the coat hanger then practically crawled my way to the couch to rest. It had been a hectic day at work, leaving me with 0% energy. Opposite the couch I was sat on, there was a big mirror hanging on the wall. The more I looked towards it, the worse I thought I looked. I harkened back to this morning's feelings of self doubt and lack of confidence. After a while, I noticed that I couldn't help but look and look at what I considered to be ugly features of myself. The way my stomach fell as I sat, how droopy my face became as it released its tension and how my thighs spread on the couch. I began to notice more and more which created thought that began to speak and stick to my mind like velcro.

You're fat.

You're ugly.

Why does Dom want you?

What do people see in you?

You're disgusting.

This created a whirlpool of depression to cause me to sink into a breakdown. I cried and cried curled up on the couch. The thoughts continued to haunt me, again and again to the point where I was punching my own head, wanting the thoughts to leave. I stood up and stated to pace around the room, trying to catch my breath from the crying. Eventually, the thoughts gradually became worse:

Just die

Cut yourself if you can't be bothered to kill yourself

There's no way people could ever want you to be happy

There are knives in the kitchen, go put them to use

The thoughts became too much to bare so I started to obey them, hoping it would make them leave. I ran to the kitchen and took the sharpest knife I could. Without any second thought, I rolled up my sleeve and dragged the knife backwards and forwards on different sections of my arm until it was red raw from friction and blood. I panted from the pain and immediately ran my arm until warm water, letting the blood drip onto whatever plates were underneath my arm at the time. Unfortunately, this only made the voices in my head worse.

If that won't solve it, kill yourself

End it

No one will care when you die anyway

Go and take a walk up the motorway and jump into the traffic

The more I thought, the worse I felt, to the point that I wanted to comply, so I did. The only thing I thought of at that moment was letting Dom know where I went when he came back. I scattered around the house to try and find a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote a brief note to Dom shakily. The note read:

Dom:
Hey, love. I'm sorry I'm not here. I couldn't do this without you, it was a mistake to not go with you. My thoughts have gotten the better of me. I'm sorry I left the kitchen a mess, I'm sorry I ever bothered you, I'm sorry I ever came into your life.

As much as I love you, Dom, you need to forget about me, you don't need me, you have your family, the BHC, your friends. I'm worthless and you don't need me so please, find someone better and be happy.

I'll love you forever, (Y/N).
________________________________

Finishing the note up, I began to cry again, knowing I was about to leave the love of my life, the only man I ever needed in life. I threw the pen and quickly ran out of the house before I changed my mind. I didn't bother with a coat, my keys, my phone, nothing. I just wanted it to be over with. It wasn't until I had left and closed the door that I realised that it was raining heavily. The rain pelted my face as I ran

After about an hour of running and walking, I had made my way onto the motorway and noticed a bridge that was easily accessible. I stumbled up the stairs, dazed from the blood loss and exercise combination. Once I reached the top, I stared at the quickly moving traffic. It felt like I was drunk because my whole head moved in the same motion that the cars were as I looked down. I stayed out for a moment, taking in my final moments...