Silent Hearts

18| Eighteen

"You return like autumn,

and I fall every time."

______________

Nandini squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't take in those harsh emotions he spewed. Had she known Naitee was here, she wouldn't have ever stepped into this room. In some way, Nandini felt small when she saw Naitee sitting by his side, clutching his pale hands with her own. She couldn't stand the winsome smile on Naitee's face, couldn't stand the bits of optimism she reflected through that smile, couldn't feel the hope Naitee brought into the world with her, couldn't withstand the warmth she held over them. Nandini couldn't stand the bond her sister had with this man, while all she ever felt was the sensations of being set apart from the world. Nandini couldn't take in the way they made her feel uncertain of herself, didn't like the way Tushar made her feel whenever he was around.

Nandini never could understand how Naitee always believed in fate, believed in the positive aspects of life. How could that person over there be so cheerful all the time, even if there was a lot to take in, Nandini never understood. How would Naitee always manage to bring smiles to others, even if she was herself hurting, sometimes? This was foolishness, and naught more. What would she even get, smiling and believing in positivity every time?

Nandini couldn't be like Naitee, she could never smile just like she used to, she would never know how it felt to laugh, a time more, yet she wouldn't regret not believing in fate, for fate had been nothing but a traitor to her feeble heart.

"Di-bhai? Are you alright?" A soft touch on her right arm pulled Nandini back to reality, the lilt in Naitee's voice reminded her, she was, indeed here at this moment and this was not a dream. That she was here, even if her mind gave her a thousand different reasons not to.

Her eyes shot open, chest thrusting up with the uneven intake of breath, her sanity smacking against each troubled sliver of her thoughts, bedevilled her spirits with petty opinions, she hadn't tried to believe. Suddenly, it all felt bad. The intensity of his stare that seemed to burn her existence to ashes, the sparkling eyes of her sister as they searched for her wellbeing, the uncertainty that enclosed her just the moment she entered here, the tension between her and him that was never this heavy, the unfamiliar pain in her chest when saw them. . . so comfortable with each other, while she had to calm her heart before even doing anything near him.

It disturbed her. It unnerved her that she felt nothing in front of him, yet, everything whenever their eyes met. It was confusing, oh, and so very frightening that she would forget to mask her emotions around him as if she wasn't scared of him seeing her vulnerable soul.

Nandini never raised her eyes as they remained in nothing in particular, unfocused, while her breaths calmed down, the tightness around her chest happening to lessen with the passing minutes. She wasn't alright. She needed to admit that to Naitee, but she couldn't, and she didn't know why. When nervously, the fingers unwrapped themselves off her arms, slowly coming to rest over her slender hand, tugging it towards them, Nandini lifted her eyes to meet her sister's, coming to collide with the gentle ones that assured her. . . for what? Nandini didn't know.

"Di–" Naitee started, however, stopped when Nandini yanked herself away from her sister, the hold over her right hand loosening as her feet moved backwards, the stray curls bouncing to the side as she shook her head sideways, her lips parting, inviting the words she had supposed she could utter, however, those words never travelled beyond her lips.