Silent Hearts

31 | Thirty-One

A sky full of stars,

Yet the brightest of all he could see was her.

* * *

Nandini trembled against his hold, her legs weakening, her body exhausting, leaning more into the man whose arms had been wound around her, her body convulsing with the impact of her cries, as she slid down to the floor. She felt his arms tighten around her, his shoulders too, felt to be shivering as he breathed against her neck. There was no silence between them, as the outcries of hers travelled through the thick air of anguish above them.

Tear after tear slid down her already wet cheeks, travelling to her neck, her eyes burning as she wept for the days she had lost. She could hold the heartbreak no longer and she had fallen to the ground in a chaotic heap as her grief poured out in a storm of uncontrollable bursts of tears. She could no more, no more, hold back the emotions, the nightmares, the grief that had once a time back lost its way inside her and could never come out. Since that day she was a plain doll, perhaps a mere negative, sinful, selfish one. All those years she had believed she should not weep, must not show any of her emotions, for the cruel, oh, atrocious society fed off her pain. Nandini had, since that day, believed, listening to all their utterances, perhaps, she deserved those unmerciful words, those remarks directed only at her, and maybe, she didn't deserve to relieve her pain, to cry her heart out. That awful day had been the day she had let out her emotions last, and after that, somehow with time, pretending to be someone she was not, she became someone who was lost.

Someone who could not find her way back.

Mayhap, she had cried, a tear or two might have slipped down, but it was never enough. Never enough to let the inner demons out of her hurting soul. Day after day, she had lived curtailing the dark shadows of her grief, day after day, she had been left broken and alone. At a moment of her distraught life, Nandini had felt she was needed no more. No more was she that girl who danced, no more was she that quiet girl who peeked through her books at a teenage boy, a senior to her who was always engrossed in his studies, no more was she that girl who swirled through the puja pandal clashing with a certain someone who came into her life for some time, some years before leaving her behind, and no more was she that girl who believed.

And when Nandini had lost her own identity, what was even the use of living? What did this life mean?

❝Why?❞ she mumbled, sobbing into his arms, her shivering fingers clutching at his shirt, tugging him more into her.

He didn't answer.

❝WHY?❞ she cried out, a sudden burst of anger flashed through her, her curls bouncing as she lifted her face to look harshly at him, her fingers passing by his ears, palms cupping his cheeks.

As he looked directly into her eyes, she saw something flash through his red eyes. He had been crying. Her eyes couldn't leave his, for they had been caged a long time ago within the darkness his pair held. She breathed, her chest shaking with her jagged breath through her whimpers, never looking away, she leaned towards him, sighing softly, as a few more tears left her, ❝Why? Why Tushar?❞ She cried some more, seeing how his stare followed the path her tears traced.

Why couldn't Lord answer her questions? Why was she to be always kept in the dark? Did she deserve no reason for her queries no more?  Was she to keep questioning, keep doubting herself every single day of her life? Nandini inched closer, her frail fingers curling around the collars of his pale dress shirt, a birth of heartbreak and doom journeying until it collided with his, a mass of ebony ringlet falling over her shoulders, her left, wet cheek caressing his, a tinge of stubble grazing over, as her eyes flickered shut; ❝Why could not I leave, Tushar?❞ she whimpered, two more of the same salty liquid flowing down, touching his cheeks, ❝W-why couldn't I–I leave today, too?❞