Silent Hearts

8| Eight

"He was her warmth, while she was his peace..."

***

Red never complimented her. It never did praise her, nor ever had been fortunate for her. She did think that. After more than two years, here she was again, draped in a red wedding saree, ornamented with gold jewels that felt awfully heavy to her, the red saree that physically adorned her, spewed dread to her mind. Her almond eyes, enriched with kohl burned with the tears that threatened to form, making her blink her eyes rapidly to get rid of those unwanted tears; red lips that hadn't asked for a word since the dawn was pulled into a frown, begging to pronounce her misery..once.

She glanced momentarily at the clock. It's time, she mumbled to herself. Time to marry again. And, not another word she could say to herself to calm herself when her sister dashed towards her, screaming with joy. The groom had arrived.

And just as how the moon shone brightly, blessing her children for a new beginning, just as the winds cried out with merriment, seeking prayers for the couple, just as the wedding music began to play, heralding the arrival to someone, someone new, someone to be hers, Nandini left her chambers, the betel leaves, hiding her from the rueful gazes, the joyous eyes of some, the hypercritical stares of some, the pitiful glances of some others, and the pained gaze of someone.

She had not asked for any of her cousins to hold her, making a traditional entry, nor did she want that. This was not a marriage of love, nor was it arranged. It was for selfish reasons, her selfish motives and his unheard, unseen sacrifices. Nandini had walked to the altar, all alone and shivering, but could not be noticed. Everyone laughed yet she couldn't; everyone felt at ease as their joy suffocated her, yet she remained uncomfortable and with gloom that rained down on her. Might be Tushar could understand her feelings. Only...for once?

Heavens beseeched for her because the moment her pained eyes met his hurtful eyes, she saw it all. The anguish that swam through the unseen ocean of sorrow in his eyes, Nandini had seen it. The fear that flew through her sky of hatred reached him, pushing past his barriers, and unknown to her, unknown to him, that had been the most precious moment of their life when they looked into their soul and not just their eyes.

When her soft, trembling hands came resting on his, for the Vedic chants and vows, her heart, God knew why, started to throb, harder and harder against her, and that was when she, out of all the chaos, felt that gentle squeeze by his hand. And, Nandini concluded, it was just her mind playing tricks, however,  foreign to her, foreign to him, it was just him...comforting her in a way she couldn't unravel.

When during the time they had to perform an offering to the sacred fire, she felt his rigid body just against her, his hands over hers from behind made her feel unnoticed emotions...emotions she could not decipher. Nandini thought it was just the heat of his body and nothing else, but oh, the heavens knew, it had been more than that. More than anything they could imagine.

When it came to the awaited time of sindoor daan, the delicate moment where the groom applies vermilion on the bride's hair parting, everyone present in the hall rejoiced, Naitee blew the conch shell to a whole new extent, excitement fleeing her every breath, the father of the bride, the well understood, well respected, Rajiv Roy blinked back his tears, a smile, so simple yet joyous graced his face. Unlike the happiness the bloomed in the hearts of fools, fear and pain sprouted in her own, their roots reaching the depths of the unhidden abyss. Her heart thumped so harder that it felt it would just stop forever. But the reason was so different. Nandini did never look at the anguished man who was as equally pained as her. Never did she care to understand his dilemma, never did her eyes met his.