how to keep your feet on the ground

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by propensity

by propensity

You don't need to know who my boyfriend is to know how to be a WAG.

If you want to keep your man and run your mouth, you better learn, darling.

Like every man, a footballer is nothing special. All they want is food.

I'm not telling you to buy them pizza or junk food, but a little tease would be fine - every once in a while. They're not animals, don't treat them like one.

You keep your man and yourself sharp and fresh 2-4 and 7, you never know when those crazy cameras will bust out. I swear to all things that's good:

Watch out for your damned windows.

You'll always miss them there. They got binoculars, 50 inch lens and crystal clear naked eyes - you can never lie to the media.

If you already have a bad name in the WAG record book (I'll explain this later), you're not welcomed to any match. And don't even mention the dressing room or the tunnel. You're lucky if you can hit the first row with the screaming fans.

Hope you enjoy that ringing in your ear for fifty hours post-match.

And guess what?

No one cares how you feel afterwards. If the team your boyfriend or husband is on wins the game, they go celebrate. If they lose, it's even worse.

You go home and face the wrath of silence, worse than the silent treatment your mother gives you when you broke her favorite flower vase.

Keep your stance, and always reply something nice. The media never writes about you for more than three days; unless you're about to openly break up - that's juicy information they'll always write about for at least a week.

Likewise, today, a couple of reporters came up to me asking me about my boyfriend. It doesn't matter what's going on in the house: you say 'Nothing's wrong, guys'. I answered that we were happy and nothing was wrong. I immediately banned every single one of their sources, and they are now writing a clarification tomorrow.

If you think being a WAG is easy... Oh sweetheart, you've got so much more to learn. This is only a day in my life.

dude wat

this is more like a how to be a wag ha no jk

u learn what they go through

This is a test story, if it goes well with the first chapter, I'll keep writing it.

dedicated to jagielka

bis bald xo