You Make Me Feel

15. you make me feel

FELIX

I walk through the door with Xian. The house is warm and it feels a lot like home somehow. An optimistic feeling washes over, filling my chest with a kind of hope that everything will be okay after this storm.

Dr Jonathan Owen, a half-Chinese, half-English middle-aged man, sits in front of his computer near the dinner table.

He's the type of parent that when he is not out working, then he's engrossed in some research, however, none of that has ever prevented him from having time for his son.

"Dad," Xian calls him.

"Who was there at the door?" He asks without raising his head.

"Good day, sir," I greet him.

He recognizes my voice and turns to us. "Is that you, Felix?" His expression changes as he notes the brutal reality on my face. "What happened to you?"

"Mr. Owen..." I start off nervous and scared but his concerned visage emboldens me to explain everything I needed to.

When I thought I'd lie to him about some of the grisly details to save face, I end up saying every single thing that transpired the way it was. Mr. Owen only listens, nods few times and actually tries not to break a laugh, I notice from the way he purses his lips tightly. I don't know if it is my story that's funny to him or my pretty damaged face, but he's doing a good job hiding his laugh while still retaining interest.

"But you realize you will have to go back home, right?" He says by the end of my narration. The same nastily honest response Xian gave earlier, confirming once again that my best friend does have the one thing I will never have.

"Why?" I pout, "I can't go back! It will just make things worse. All these years I've been wanting to leave that house, now that I've done so, you really think I want to go back there?!"

He gives me his calculated look while I rant and rave about life as a teenage angst. After all that venting about life's troubles, I give it up, seeing that Mr. Owen is unflinchingly silent.

"No matter what happened, Felix, they are still your parents."

Great! I should have known where Xian gets his ancient wisdom from. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I suppose, and here I am thinking Xian is the worst critic.

He continues, "think of what you stand to miss if you decide to sever ties. You will have to stop school, since it's still your father who pays your tuition fees. You'll also have to learn how to be independent at a very young age, which comes with a lot of responsibilities, that of course you aren't well prepared for. This may as well come with psychological trauma. And you don't have a certificate to put you in a decent job, besides, you're not of age. So the right thing you can do is to go back to them."

"No kidding. Geez! How convenient."

"They love you regardless of how bad you think they treat you."

Yup! That worked perfectly – weighing the pros and cons then hitting on the cons so his advices can impale my heart of stone. He doesn't treat Xian that way, so why is mine different?

But he's right, though it's hard to agree. For the most part, I want them in my life. Also, if I push through with this journey my determined spirit is about to embark on, it's all going downhill for me. I'm still surprised at how they see what I'm going through as such a mere situation.

After psychoanalyzing me like I'm his patient, I start to reconsider my actions. I suppose it was rather silly of me to talk back at my dad the way I did.

I sigh heavily. "Okay. Even though I really don't want to, I will go back. But it's only because you asked me to."

"It won't be easy I know, but you must."