You Make Me Feel

59. you make me feel

FELIX

People zipping back and forth; some to catch a flight, some waiting to be picked up, but here I am sitting at the waiting area with my sister as if the world is about to come to an end.

Mom and dad sort out our flight tickets as well as other documents at the service desk. Annie quietly stares at me staring into space. It really saddens me that even the beautiful connection I share with her is also affected by all this.

I'd like to talk with Annie, listen to her tease me about something silly, ask for her unwarranted and outlandish advices, but I just can't get over the fact that she was aware of what was going on. Heck! I don't even want to be here.

"Felix," she calls me.

I turn to face her. The cute baby sister I'm used to no longer appears cute in my eyes anymore. Our strong bond when we just look at the other and tell what the problem is has long died. Still, despite all that baggage, I can't bring myself to be angry. I'd rather save it for dad.

"I know this is not the right time but I've got to ask before it gets worse."

"What is it?"

"Are we okay?"

I fake a smile that swiftly fades out. Jeez! I can't even pretend to be happy for ten seconds.

"I know you've been upset lately, and if I'm not mistaken, you still think of her... a lot."

"Annie, I'm not upset, alright. I just need some space."

"And trust me, I get that. I do. But this distance that is between us is so wide, I can't tell if we're siblings anymore."

My heart shatters to a billion pieces at that one statement.

Frankly, I want to believe Annie was never part of this family secret from the onset. Even when she knew, she did choose to lie to me. In fact, I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive anyone in this family, but one thing stands sure, I won't take it out on my little sister.

She has done for me more favours than my so-called father.

"Annie... I'm so tired of everything."

"I know."

"I don't wanna live forever knowing I could not do anything to help my situation, much less the one person I have ever truly loved. Everything's such a mess, and God! I totally hate it!"

She scoots closer to me and places her smaller hand in mine. "I'm here with you."

"You just don't get it! We're moving to another country, I have no idea where. Why the heck is dad making it difficult by keeping it a secret?"

"No matter where he takes us, I'm sure it won't be as bad. We will survive it. I have faith in you, Felix."

I humph, curiously concerned about something frustratingly obvious. "Why do you always take his side even when you know he's wrong?"

"Come on, Felix. Daddy isn't such a monster."

"You don't know that."

"Everything he does, he does it for our good."

"Like shoving all of us into a new environment, then telling us it's a surprise, or pretending like he doesn't have a daughter somewhere who is more upset than I am?"

"... like not giving up on this family, like bringing us together with him."

I sink deeper into my seat. "I don't want him to patch the broken pieces of this family together. He was the one who broke it in the first place."