It is only in our minds that we are separate from the rest of the world.- Gale Luce
CHAPTER #4
After the revelation Chris gave to Peter, her one on one session became productive. She actually talked to him about the assault and that resulted in her nightmares being less vocal. Her friendship grew with Shelby, Scott and Ezra. When it came to homework, she still helped Auggie and Juliette. Due to the conflicts with David, Daisy wasn't as welcoming. David remained hostile, but didn't go out of his way to antagonize Chris, after the long talk he had with Peter. David had been given a choice, he could either work with the program at Mount Horizon or he could return home. David chose to stay and work on his attitude towards others.
They were in their group session with Peter, sitting in a circle of chairs. He asked them, "how many of you feel guilty for something you did in your past?"
Everyone raised their hands. They looked at each other, realizing they weren't alone in their feelings. So he tried to narrow his field of questioning. "How many of you feel that due to your actions, someone directly got hurt?"
Juliette, Shelby, Scott, Chris and eventually David, raised their hands.
"Anyone want to explain why they feel that way?"
His question was met with silence. He noticed Chris fidgeting and so pinned her with his eyes. "Chris would you like to share?"
"I... I never reported to the police, what they did to me. So they could do it again to someone else."
"Why didn't you go to the police?" Peter asked gently, already guessing the answer.
"Because then my dad and Mike would've known who hurt me and they'd be in jail for murder right now. Because I couldn't handle how my parents would look at me if they knew. Because I could barely stand to be alive, so talking about it, being questioned, would have killed me. But because I didn't tell and I won't tell their names, I always wonder if someone else was hurt because of that."
Shelby reached her hand out and patted Chris's shoulder. "I feel guilty because I ran away and left Jess alone with my stepfather. Because I did that and believed he wouldn't hurt her...." She paused swallowing hard. "... he did the same things to her, that he did to me."
Chris took Shelby's hand and squeezed it, offering support without words. Scott took her other hand.
"But Shelby you did tell someone about that. It's why he's in custody right now. Now Jess can get help and heal," Daisy pointed out.
"Yes, but had I never left in the first place... she'd be okay."
"You can't predict that. He's a monster and he would have probably hurt you both anyway," Scott said.
Peter nodded, "he's right, you can't predict what may or may not have happened. Anyone else?"
The rest remained silent.
Chris summed it up for everyone. "Who I am, hates who I've been."
Everyone, except for David and Daisy, nodded in agreement.
Peter dealt with that feeling with every child he helped and within himself. "Learning from past mistakes and not repeating them, can ease that feeling. I want you all to make a list of everything you hate about yourself. Then make another that changes every negative thing you wrote, into a positive. Make another list of things you enjoy or that makes you happy. We'll discuss those lists, next group session." He paused a moment and then added, "all of you should be proud of who you have become since being here. You've found courage and helped each other through hard times. Every day you keep living, is an accomplishment in itself."
