If one day you realize that we're drifting apart, it's because you've pushed me away. - Unknown
"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them all, but I am the odd one out." Chris was sitting with Mark at lunch and talking about the Cliff Hangers. "They're all ready to face the future and are beginning to plan their lives once done here. I'm not. Shelby and Scott are figuring out which college or university has classes they both want and need. They're even talking about getting an apartment off campus and working part time jobs to pay for it. Daisy has discussed becoming a make-up artist and Peter's helping her choose college courses that will help her accomplish that. Ezra wants to become a chemistry teacher of all things. Juliette we know is doing the fashion thing, but starting next week Peter's letting her work part time with a local seamstress in town. Auggie will get an arts scholarship for sure and he an Juliette plan on going to the same college too. Starting Monday, Ezra and Auggie will be painting some buildings in town and getting paid for it."
Mark put his hand on her shoulder. "You have to remember Chris, they've been here a lot longer than you have. When you're ready to graduate who knows what can happen for you."
"If I'm lucky I can get a sports or art scholarship, but I'm not holding my breath. My family has deserted me and even if they wanted to give me money for school I wouldn't take it. I can't live off my friend, which means getting a job. I still can't think about having a male manager, without getting anxious." Chris sighed, feeling a little left behind.
"Do you want to go for a run before class starts?" Mark asked, knowing that usually put his friend into a better mood.
"Yeah might as well. I don't want to be a downer for everyone else. Thanks for listening to me bitch," Chris gave Mark a quick hug, then sprang into a run.
That seemed to be the pattern all week. To avoid letting her thoughts get her down, Chris went for a run, with every group at Horizon. If she wasn't doing homework, she was out with the Ridge Runners or Sun Dogs, etc. She ran at the front of the group with the councellor, ensuring no one would talk to her. When Peter asked why she was running so much, her answer was vaguely about staying in marathon shape. He knew better, something was eating at her and eventually the truth would be revealed.
"Hey Chris, what's with you ditching us for every lunch break?" Shelby called as her friend jogged by with the Trackers.
Scott also added, "we'll take a look at your math work if there's time when you get back."
All they got in response was a wave that she'd heard them. "Has she drawn anything interesting lately in art class Auggie?" Ezra asked.
"Nope. We have a team assignment right now and I'm paired with her, so I'd know. But she's been a little quiet lately."
Daisy snorted, "so would I if I was running all the time. Maybe the whole scout thing with Scott, inspired all this fitness."
Shelby frowned, "I don't think so. I just hope she doesn't back spiral."
"Anyone else feel a little creepy that Shelby just said that?" Juliette asked, before stuffing a banana in her mouth.
"You guys are all over reacting, I'm sure Chris is fine." Ezra said, trying to be the voice of reason.
"I hope you're right. I don't need to be woken up by one of her nightmares," Daisy sighed.
The more the others talked about life after Horizon, the more Chris pushed them away. It was better this way, she wouldn't be sad when they left her with the newbies. If there was one thing she was good at, it was shutting out her emotions. Focusing on school and running, was all she needed. And she had Mark to talk to. But try as she did, thoughts about the friends she'd made here, kept creeping into her heart. When they were around or helping Chris with math, she was quiet and only spoke when asked something. Ezra didn't seem to notice, but Shelby and Scott did.
During their group session, Chris participated enough to prevent Peter from singling her out. Or so she thought. It was Scott who called her out, giving Peter the opportunity to address the issue.
"Chris why are you pushing us away? Like you won't spend time with us," Scott accused.
She shrugged, not wanting to show that his words cut her.
"Chris do you feel like the Cliff Hangers who are graduating are abandoning you?" Peter probed.
"No. Why should this be any different than the rest of my life. I'm use to being alone, they can leave me behind if they want to. It's not like I can or want to hold them back," Chris said in monotone.
"We're not going to forget about you and you're not holding us back. When we can we'll visit and write you all the time!" Shelby tried to convince her friend.
Daisy analyzed, "Chris you still need to learn that being by yourself, is not the same as being alone or abandoned. Being comfortable in your own skin, is the first step to getting your life on track. Just because we've been here long enough to learn that, doesn't mean you won't."
"Whatever."
Ezra spoke up next, "so you think pushing us out of your life will make it easier to say good-bye?"
"That's dumb and anyway not all of us are leaving at the same time," Auggie reasoned.
"And my sister Jess is here too, that guarantees I'll be visiting every chance I get."
Peter asked, "why do you feel abandoned?"
"Because everyone I care about, leaves. I'm stuck, not going anywhere," Chris snarled at him.
"How are you stuck? You can join any of us in school or just working in the same town," Juliette pointed out.
"By the time I get out, everyone will have their own lives, no room for a reject like me. And even if I'm not damaged anymore, I don't have money to go to school."
Scott was annoyed, "Chris, you're not a reject and so what if you don't have money, you can crash on our couch or something. Find a job and work towards school. Have you even thought of what you want to do once out of here?"
Chris shook her head negatively.
"That's cause you're not ready yet, to look past your pain. When you are ready, Peter and Sophie and everyone will be here to encourage you. You're not just a Cliff Hanger, a friend, you're closer to us than most of our families." Shelby had stood up and leaned over to hug Chris.
"Okay, I'm sorry for cutting you guys out, for being selfish.... Thanks for not giving up on me, when I give up on myself." Chris wiped her eyes and accepted the group hug.
Peter had expected some of the feelings Chris had, as the others began to think more about their futures outside of Horizon. She had come a long way since arriving, but he knew she had a ways to go before graduating. He was proud of the others, for realizing Chris was having anxiety about their graduation.
"I vow to not drift apart from you. Unlike my family did to me, I won't forget about you and let my life control me." Daisy announced to Chris.
