letters to a dead girl

he loves me, he loves me not

dear horcrux experiment number 4,

i loved you.

i loved you not.

the definition of love is a shakey thing (like my hands as they wiped your blood— they didn't shake for the others though). it can be a noun, verb, even adjective. extreme affection for something or someone. overwhelming passion for a person or thing. extreme affection based on sexual desire.

it seems i loved you not.

but love makes you do crazy things, and as i find myself searching for you in each number i go through and angrily cursing you for the lasting effects, i go more and more crazy. ached and drained and the love is getting to my brain
it seems. i can hear your laughter, loud even from below the ground and instead of the small joy it used to give me i now only feel hollow.

are you cursing me out from your forever home? escape your cage and say it to me with a wild look in your eyes, love, we can reenact a fight i swear we had. and we can make up over cheap wine and stolen kisses and an i love you.

i'll say it back this time.

i promise.

"tom, darling, your lies have never fooled me," you'd say and i'd give you a grin because who knows if it's a lie (and the rest of my lies always fooled you).

absolutely a lie.

were you the type of girl to play the game with flowers? he loves me, he loves me not. silly and pesky muggle thing. games to test a foolish girl's heart and lead her to tears.

you were always beautiful in the worst of times.

i'll make sure to leave you a new bouquet soon so you can continue playing. i assume it'll be harder now though.

lily's, right?

she loved me.

and for eternity, alive or dead, you still will.

a fool with flowers,
tom riddle