Trainwreck - Eren x Reader

Chapter four: Coldish Love

Eren opened his eyes and squinted in the sunshine streaming through the open window, muffled sounds of chirping birds entered his ears. He stretched, feeling more relaxed than he had since...

He sat up and looked at the clock. It was after nine. He had slept all through the night. For the first time since it happened. He looked up at the creamy white roof as a groan escaped his lips.

He leaned his body down until his bareback met with his leathered bedframe. He squeezed his eyes shut, so hard he could see shapes of various sizes amongst the darkness of his sight.

Does it not bother him anymore? Is it over? Will his thoughts finally leave him alone?

He raised his hands to his face, eyes still sensitive to the sun's early rays. And with a heavy sigh that sounded like the first shift of snow before an avalanche, Eren flipped the covers back and stood.

The young boy sauntered to his bathroom until he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His inner psyche screamed, letting the last of his frustrations out. He hated that a peaceful night of rest wasn't enough to keep his mind away from wondering what went wrong. What he should've done. Was it his fault? Could he have done something about it? He'll never know. Well, he could, but...

'Forget about it.' Was the thought that kept him going.

"Forget about it." Was what he roughly told the reflection that stared back at him, with arms leaned on the marbled sink.

"Forget about it." Was what he mumbled as he got ready for the day.

'Forget about it.' Was what he thought after he reached the bottom of the stairs, and saw her.

He shut his eyes once more and with a heavy sigh leaving his nose, he opened them and continued walking.

"Morning." That was all she said. But it was enough for Eren to stare daggers back at her and stomp his way to his room.

He dropped down on his bed.

'Why can't I forget?' Was the thought that shut down his tough exterior.

'Was it a mistake?' Was the thought that made the hot-headed, confident boy break into a million pieces.

But he had to pull it together. You were coming over today and nothing would be worse than you catching him in this state.

Nobody has been to Eren's house since... the incident. He didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't their business. There's nothing he hated more than people pitying him. People protecting him and making decisions for him. It enraged him to the point he could feel his hands tremble.

When people shoved their noses in his life and used the cheap excuse of 'doing what's best for you'...

A scoff left his mouth.

...He felt pathetic. Felt as if he was seen as a moron. A big man child that had to be taken care of. A burden. A weak little boy that had no control over his life or decisions. He could feel his breaths increase every second he thought about it. Could feel the heat of his body rise until he was sure his face was stained red. Could feel every mark his nails left on his skin, as he squeezed his hands into fists. He could feel the suffocating weight of his heart, beating rapidly. The dryness in his throat making every breath feel like the scratches of a wild feline. He was panicking.

Eren took a deep, final breath, and washed his stress, anger, and resentment away in a warm shower. He isn't the type of person who controls his breathing and repeats multiple affirmations to make whatever made him panic, away. And he knows that. He usually doesn't deal with his anger in the healthiest ways, one might say, but today was different. You were coming, and he had to snap out of it.