Illegal Love Letters

13. THE LIBRARY

     "You need some rest". Say the nurse.

April looks at me with a I-told-you-so glance.

We argued before because I wanted to go to the library before visiting the nurses office. I wanted to let the letter and have a respond-back from the person who cared about me. Even tho I don't know who it is.

Makes me feel like I am not invisible. At least someone cares enough to ask me, not face-to-face, but at least ask me how I am.

When I was writing a respond, I was so nervous. Who was it? What should I write now? I mean, I could write like a million things. But how?

     "Are you listening to me?". Say the nurse. "You must rest today, tomorrow you will be able to keep going with the therapist and activities". She looks nice but mad. "Go to your room". And she opens a carpet and start to write something on a paper from it.

I bet she's writing about my case, about my collapse and that I am better now.

     "Can I-". But she is not looking at me, she is so focused on her stuff. I look at April, and she is looking at me with a curious look, she does not know what I am going to say. "Sorry". The nurse now looks at me. "Can I first go to the library and take some books?".

She opens her eyes, she is surprised.

     "Oh, sure". Her tone changed, now she isn't mad at all, she seems like loving me. "I am always glad if someone here is into books. But you must go to your room after taking some books. You need some rest".

I nod.

I am not really into books. I mean, I love reading but since I have some issues it looks like an impossible mission to be. I cannot concentrate that much.

     "You crazy". Say April as we get to the hall. "Anyway, what's your problem with the library?".

     "I wanna take some books to read before sleep, you know".

I guess she did not believe me, because she looks at me rolling her eyes.

When we are at the library, I take so much time looking at books, I want April to go, I won't put the letter there if she is by my side.

     "Girl, just pick up a random book, I'm pissing myself".

     "You can go".

     "Okay, just give me a few minutes and I will be right back".

     "Sure".

She leaves. Giving me some free minutes. I need to find the classics section. Lucky me, because it's on the hall on my left.

I look all the names of the big authors. Amazing. The books are organized by the name of the author. Alphabetically. But there aren't so many books. The first one is Jane Austen.

I take Pride and Prejudice. When April returns, I rather have one book. I don't wanna bother her that much. She's doing so much taking care of me.

I go to the final part of the section; I need to find Tolstoy. I hope the person find the letter. But why did she/he/they firm as Tolstoy. I toke it as a hint to know where to put the letter.

William Shakespeare. Mary Shelley. Bram Stoker. Lev Trotsky.

Lev Tolstoy.

There is only one book in this library.

     "Today is my lucky day". I tell myself, whispering. No one heart me.

I take the book and open it from the first page. I take my letter from the back pocket of my jeans and look at it, then the back front: my respond.

I always hated my calligraphy, so I just always write with capital letters.

"THANKS FOR ASKING ME, I AM ALL BETTER NOW, JUST TIRED.

P.S. WHO IS THIS?".

I close the book and smile.

Who can it be? Maybe is on this room?

I look at the room. There are some people focused on their stuff, some books and one girl is drawing something. I wish I could see her draw tho.

I look at the other part of the library. Which looks like a living room, because it has couches and comfortable stuff to sit down and read.

In one couch there is a boy looking at me. Not looking. Staring.

He is staring at me. I keep my eyes on him.

If he is so focused on me, maybe he is Tolstoy. I only talked to him like once. The same day I met Alec while we were smoking outside.

What was his name? I think, trying to remember. Oh, sure, Brent.

Brent as my first crush. Brent as my first kiss.

He smiles at me. And moves his head inviting me to join him.

Should I?

Maybe I should.

I mean, if she is the person who cared about me, maybe I will give him a change. Could I know him better? I don't know.

     "Hey".

     "Hello". I smile.

     "You are here". What a stupid comment. "So, you are better now, I hope".

He is. He is Tolstoy.

We talked for a while. I am waiting for April, so I have time to know him a little bit. His eyes are big and kinda black. Like his hair. But his skin is so light. Totally white. Practically milk.

He is cute, but he likes talking about himself way too much.

     "So, what was your name?". He actually asked for my name when we talked (he talked) for like 10 minutes about himself. And NOW he realizes that he don't know my name? "Ara?".

Ara is what the original Brent used to call me. Brent my first crush.

     "Araminta". I smile. "You can call me Ari, tho".

He smiles too.

     "Cute name".

     "Here you are!". April says, looking at me, like she was worried because she didn't find me. "Sorry for taking that long, I saw Alec and we walked here".

I look around her. So, where is Alec?

I don't see him, but anyway. I rather be at my bed, reading, or sleeping.

April takes me by my hand. Brent and I make eye contact. Butterflies run my stomach.

     "Goodbye". I say, starting to walk with April.

He smiles.

     "He is no good, Ari". Says April when we are going to our room.

     "So said Alec". I said, like saying as a joke. I don want her telling me what to do.

     "I'm being serious, babe". She looks sad. "That man only plays and makes you lose points on here".

     "That what happened to you?".

"Yes, and that's why here couples are prohibited". She looks down, at her feet while sitting at her bed. "They don't want someone depending on someone that is mentally ill".

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