Illegal Love Letters

14. JAYCEE

     "So, they prohibited couples in places like this because of you?". I remember when I was on my last center, couples were not allowed either. And I thought it was like a forever-rule. I never thought about they creating this rule because of someone.

     "I mean, not because of me, but yes because people like me".

April is very emotional while talking to me and telling her story with Brent.

Brent, according to April, is a type of guy that use mean women. But not use them women as I thought. He uses women to search validation, because of he's the low esteem.

Brent made April fell in love with him. And not only fell in love unconditionally and made her depend on him. Plus, he was a jerk to her, and she thinks that he cheated on him couple of times, but this is not confirmed.

Also, April says that he needed to feel superior to people, specially her. An idiot.

At first, I couldn't believe in this, Brent was cute. I mean, he actually cared for me. He asked if I was ok, if I was feeling good. He may be a jerk to her, but it seems like he has a heart now. I mean, he may have changed since then.

But then I remember the first time we met.

     ''What do we have here'' He look up and down at me. He's hot. ''Fresh meat''. OMG, he didn't say fresh meat, ew.

He moves closer to me. I can feel his eyes still on me. I don't like it. I hate being hit on. I don't know how to react.

     ''What's your name, babe?''.

Who am I kidding? Brent is a jerk.

I don't know how to say this, but at least someone cared. I mean, It's difficult to think about Brent like this because I love the fact that someone cared about it.

April cared. Cared. But she is my roommate. Even if she doesn't care. She's with me all the time. I mean, she is here; when I woke up, in our free time.

But Jaycee didn't care. Oh my God. She didn't. Even Brent did something. And she is supposed to be my best friend here.

Tomorrow is our visiting day. Finally, I will be able to meet my family again. I'm dying for hug of my mom. I'm dying to tell my father here is not as bad as I thought. But at the same time, I'm terrified.

I'm afraid to show my face to them. I mean, I must hospitalize. I know they love me. I'm afraid because I feel like I am disappointing them. I have so many issues that I don't know how to get through.

I know they love me. But they love me because they have to. Not because they want. I don't know how to feel about it. But I know they love me because I'm her daughter. Because I am they only family. I know I'm making them lose so much money being here. But I don't know how to get through this alone.

I don't know who I am. How I'm supposed to be. Well, I don't know how is to be happy.

I miss everyone.

Even if I don't want to. I miss my family. My friends. My ex-crush Brent.

The other day I thought about the prom day. And I wanted to cry. That day was so beautiful. I miss his friends even I don't remember their names.

But that day I didn't feel alone at all.

I hope Brent needs me and miss me. I don't think he does though. And that suck.

Today I had a therapy group that didn't seem as much as difficult as I thought. It's okay, I made some friends. I mean, no. I don't have friends here, but at least I was able to meet some new people.

I don't remember their names though.

Anyway, I need to meet Jaycee and talk about she didn't caring about me. I hope she's okay though. Jaycee disappointed me. If she didn't care about me collapsing in the same room as her she would disappoint me so much.

But it's ok. Here is like a family. Family of ill persons. But I hope she didn't come because of April because she hates. It would be her only excuse. But I'm her friend anyway.

I am going to my room after the therapy group, but I prefer Jaycee's room. To talk to her. I need some explanation. I want to feel like she is here from me as I am here for her.

I am here for her, but she isn't here for me. If I remember, every time we talk, we talk about her, her ex, her breakdowns.

I hope she cares a little more about me, or our friendship. Talk to me. Hug me.

I felt like April was here for me more than Jaycee.

I am feeling terrible, I just need to talk to her.

     "Jaycee, hey". i say, knocking at her door. "Can I come in?".

     "Sure babe".

     "What happened to you today?".

     "That's what I should ask". She says, looking at me opening her eyes, she is kinda confused I guess.

     "Yeah, but you didn't". Even she kind of admitted, I am upset.

     "Calm down".

     "What's wrong with you these days?".

Her eyes look like she was crying all day. I feel bad.

I feel like it's my fault. Even if I know she didn't cry for me. She probably cried over her ex, again. I worry for her when she needs me. Even though she needs me sometimes, I need someone too.

I hope we can talk to this and get through it.

___________

HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE AND COMMENT.

<3