to the moon and back

one

We were watching a movie, sitting in his living room. Sakuta had been staring at me for the last five minutes, and I had just realized.

Eighteen months together already felt like forever for me. He made me happy. He was my reason to live. I could imagine a future with him, spending every day with each other, maybe even living together.

I remember he had once told me about living in a vast city, on the highest floor of an apartment, where the city's lights would look like stars coming from below at night, and it had to be surrounded by huge windows all around. Because only there did he wish to spend the rest of his life with me if he decided to.

That was his only desire, and he wanted me to have my best life.

And all the things he told me about the future had to come true. He wanted it with his whole heart. And I, of course, wanted that too.

"You're beautiful," he sighed. "I would like to be here with you, like this, forever." That would still get me every time, and it always made me smile.

Brushing his fingers against my skin, he lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his grey eyes. "Did you hear me?" he demanded. I nodded and smiled; he smiled back. "Then say something,"

"Like what?" His hand softly stroked my cheek and jaw, sending shivers to my spine. This happened very often since his touch was so delicate against my skin.

"Nothing," he whispered as he held my face closer to his. He giggled at this. His lips finally touched mine. Just like always, he was soft and delicate towards me. I released my jaw, kissing him back, making the kiss a little more passionate until I decided to pull away and ask him a question.

Before saying anything, he stared into my eyes. He was chuckling at my actions before he hugged me. "I love you. Please let me be with you like this for the rest of my life." He said as he sucked a sharp breath.

"Sakuta," I started, my eyes watered a bit, "When you say those things... I just can't think of a future where I still live," His hold on me loosened, showing me disconcert. But I spoke the truth. I was always able to imagine us together, forever, always. But I was tired of this life. "I don't want to die, though, but what if I do? What if someday I forget about us and-"

He let out a cocky laugh. His arms were holding me tighter once again. Thinking about the future always made me wonder if there would be any future at all. Life was a wonderful gift, but I lived with the fear of dying. "I'm not letting you go anywhere, don't worry about it."

My expressions softened. He pulled away and finally dived in to give me another kiss.

—

—

Every day would feel the same; any day I spent without him felt worthless. But the moment I would see him, talk to him, text him, I felt alive, and I emotionally depended on a person.

Walking down the school halls with no one to accompany me had never felt worse. I had at least one or two friends, and I could say I was maybe lucky for that.

So as expected, one of them showed up. Luna. She excitingly jumped towards me, making me force a smile at her appearance.

"Yo, Ichigo." She greeted as she ran closer. "Long time no see, right?"

I just nodded and smiled. Giving her no response urged her to talk to me again. "So... do you have any plans for today's evening?" She asked.

The school year was almost over. She had tried to meet new people this year, so yeah, she pretty much ignored me all this time, now wanting me to answer her question. "I'm meeting my childhood friends later, at a coffee shop," That's all I said. Of course, I lied. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone, if I'm honest, but neither did I want to be rude. I found it very important to be kind so that no one would have anything against me. I can say I would fail sometimes, but I really couldn't blame her.

After meeting Sakuta, I started to be way more distant from everyone. Time away from school gave me ease to think about living a better life around that toxic environment.

"Childhood friends... cool, I guess," She returned.

"Yeah, indeed, they are pretty cool," I assured, My eyes finally meeting hers. I remained silent for a bit, walking out of the school with her by my side. Not wishing her to ask more, I reached my backpack to get my phone, but I was stopped by her voice sounding once again.

"I heard you have a boyfriend," I stopped my tracks after hearing that. My eyes were widening, and my palms were sweating. "Is he cute? Maybe do you have a picture of him...?"

I nodded yes, reaching the back pocket of my backpack to get my phone. I wasn't scared or anything; I just wondered from who she heard that. Sakuta studied in another school, and I hadn't heard of him in this school, nor did I talk to anyone about him. Still, I pushed away my thoughts and showed her a recent picture of us I had taken the last time we met. She smiled at it and slightly blushed. "He's handsome!" She said. My face turned pink as I replied, "Yeah, he is... he's pretty cute," I confirmed, smiling at the picture.

"Well, I have to go, have a nice day," Luna said as she smiled at me. I nodded as I waved my hand at her.

And there I was again. Alone.

Once I got home, I headed to the kitchen, holding an apple since I was hungry. My phone rang; I smiled as I saw the message, "Come over. I have something for you." It was Sakuta. I went to my room to change my uniform and then headed out.

His house was a bit far away from mine, so I drove all the way there.

I opened the door and saw him sitting in the living room. The TV was on, and in his hands, he held some snacks and drinks. "Hello," He said and then smiled. I gasped and ran to hug him. "Oh my, you're so cute!" I whimpered.