to the moon and back

two

I remember waking up next to him. However, it was still late at night. He held his phone in his hands as he giggled, holding me tightly against his chest. I just pretended to be asleep for a couple of minutes, trying to figure out what he was doing. I softly moved my leg over his thigh and groaned silently. He stayed silent and sighed. Then he put his phone down and smiled, hugging my little body with his bare arms. He moved next to my ear and whispered, "You are mine," I widened my eyes after that statement and looked up at him. I mumbled, "what?" As my nose scrunched. He put a strand of hair behind my ear and said once again, "You are mine," I giggled "—I love you," he said, "go to sleep. It's late."

I turned around and asked, "What happened?"

"You fell asleep while watching the movie."

"Oh. Sorry,"

"it's alright... You're such a pretty sleeper, you know,"

I blushed, "No, I'm not,"

"Yes, you are," He sighed, "—I carried you to my bed since you didn't look comfortable enough on the couch, you suddenly hugged me so..."

"You don't have to explain yourself," I said and then turned around again, "I love the feeling of your arms around my body."

This feeling was heartwarming. His body itself was warm and comfortable, this guy was lovely, and just the knowledge of him being my boyfriend made my heart flutter.

Sakuta's head stood over mine, his chin pressing my head and his hand too. I heard him silently sob, though, which made me gasp. "What is it?" I asked in a worried tone.

"Nothing, I'm sorry." He sniffed and kneaded my back with his this fingers. I remained silent but worried.

The view from his apartment was vast and beautiful from his bedroom. And I had just realized.

I asked once again, "What is it?" To what he replied, "I just... don't want to lose you, Ichigo." He cried.

"What?"

"What you said the other day made me get worried; you're the only thing keeping me alive it's just that—"

His words sent goosebumps to my whole body; I never even thought of that, and he'd never told it to me before. And it just added weight to my existence.

"—Please... just please don't leave."

"Oh, baby." I cooed. I felt his hands shaking. He was panting and sobbing. "I'm not leaving. Never. As long as I'm with you."

Some minutes after, he fell asleep. I just couldn't. Because if what he had just told me was true, then how was I supposed to tell him that I'm tired of living. I wanted to die. I was exhausted, all the days were the same, and if any of those were different, they would be worse.

—

The next day, at school, I listened to my friend talk. My only guy friend. Jiro. He was tall, had dark hair, and had blue eyes that would sometimes look a little brown. He always looked tired but still managed to be enthusiastic all the time. I could say he was the opposite of me regarding his way of acting; he was open-minded and would trust anyone.

"So that's pretty much all that happened. What do you think?" He snapped, which took me out of my thoughts.

"That sounds nice," I replied.

"Oh?" He looked at me in confusion as his smile faded. "I don't think you were paying any attention at all..." he said. I scoffed and nodded no.

"I was, I swear," My expressions became kind of fake. I wasn't paying attention. Jiro was right.

"Then how is it nice that I had a fight with Luna in which she ended up telling me that you have a boyfriend you never told me about?" My heart stopped. It really did. I choked on my food after hearing that.

"She told you what?!" I yelled. He looked at me in fear and gulped.

"Yeah, weren't we like... best friends?" I couldn't tell, I distanced from everyone at school the last year, and there was only one week left. I talked to no one, and by no one, I mean no one. I was practically invisible, and only now was I talking to Jiro again.

"I'm sorry," I said. I didn't know anything, so how would I tell him it has been a whole year since I have a boyfriend.

"Don't be. We stopped talking for a while anyway. I see why we did now." He looked down and then up at me again. My face stared at him in total confusion. I scoffed and laughed out, "No? Are you dumb?" Now he looked mad, though I was too.

"I'm not damn stupid, Ichigo. He must be possessive and didn't want us seeing each other." He wasn't wrong, but neither was he entirely right.

"He doesn't even know about you," I said, his eyes widened as he crawled back.

"So you just chose to distance yourself from me? What did I ever do to you?" He had done nothing. "I have been your friend for so long, and then all of a sudden, you leave me with no one. And I mean absolutely no one." I didn't have anyone either at school. I didn't even know why I left him or Luna. I just made up excuses. "Do you think I will ruin your relationship if we hang out again? Because I am exhausted, Ichigo. I thought we were friends."

"We are. We are, and I'm sorry." I couldn't resist it anymore. I wanted to cry. "I'm tired too, okay? But I'm not tired of being alone; I'm tired of—of..." I breathed and realized what I was about to say. So I held myself together and looked into his eyes. Silence invaded my speech; I shut up and thought that maybe it wasn't the best decision to tell him how I felt. "Forget it. Let's hang out later, okay? I'm sorry." He seemed scared and worried.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asked. And I did nothing more than nod a weak yes. "Then I agree. Let's meet at a cafe and invite your boyfriend." He smirked to what I nodded again.