Thereafter

Chapter 5

The sun in my face is bothering me. It's coming from the blinds not being closed properly. I take my cover and cover my head with it. WAIT! How did I get into bed? I take the cover off my face and look around me to make sure I'm in my bed. I am!

It still doesn't answer my question of how I got into bed.... last thing I remember is being on the bathroom floor. I look down at my arm and I'm all bandaged up. Did I do this or someone cleaned me up and put me in bed? I'm so confused...... if I didn't do this, who did? That's the question!

I'm praying right now that it's me because if it wasn't me it had to be my grandmother or my brother because I'm pretty sure my father still passed out in his bed. My head is throbbing, I sit up in bed. That's what I get for what I did last night. I deserve it.

There is aspirin in the bathroom. I get up and get it. Since I'm in the bathroom I brush my teeth, comb my hair. My counter was cleaned, there isn't any residue from the cocaine and the baggie is nowhere to be found.

I'm so lost. I put my hands to my face and rub my eyes. This is so weird. Why don't I remember anything from last night? Did I get that fucked last night?

I have to start my day, today's Saturday and I want to go shopping for a new pair of shoes. I straighten my hair, I put on a summer dress with long sleeves from my closet, I took a long sleeve even though it's hot outside to hide the bandages on my arm, I don't want anyone asking questions. It's cute, it's white with yellow flowers. I take the money my grandmother gave me and I make my way out of my room.

Shit! I forgot my phone, I'm not used to having a phone, I grab it and I also grab my old ripped school bag because I don't want to carry the money and my phone in my hands. Maybe I should buy myself a new bag too since I'm going to start school soon. I put everything in my bag and make my way out of my room.

I close the door behind me and I'm feeling nervous. I don't know why, but I do. I make my way downstairs to the kitchen because I want to let my grandmother know I'm leaving. I see Ethan, ughhhh! I don't want to see him after what he said last night, he looks at me and I ignore him, my grandmother is not here so I take a water bottle from the fridge. I close the fridge and Ethan's there. He comes towards me and hugs me, why is he hugging me so hard?

I take a step back breaking apart the hug, he's just staring at me, puts his hand behind my head and kisses my forehead while holding my hair tightly, almost pulling it, he lets go, looks at me and he leaves. What The Fuck just happened? I don't know what to say or how to react to this. I don't even know what I feel inside, is this day going to be any weirder and confusing?

I'll deal with it later. I just want to go to the store before they close, I can't find my grandmother but I just remembered that I can call her with my cell phone. I call her while I lock the door.

     "Hey sweetheart" she answers. She always has a new nickname for me, it's sweet but kind of annoying.
     "Hey grand ma, I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving to go to the store" I tell her.
     "No problem darling, will I see you later for supper?" She asks.
     "Yes" I answer.
     "Alright see you later" she says and hangs up.

I walk down the driveway, WAIT.., where are the stores? I have no idea where I am. How am I supposed to go to the store when I don't know where it is? Whatever, I walk back up the driveway, I'll just ask my grandmother to bring me tomorrow. As I'm arriving at the end of the driveway, I see a car coming my way. It's my brother. With Ethan... even better.

     "Where are you coming from?" Asks my brother.
     "Nowhere, I was supposed to go to the store but I don't know where it is so I'm going back home" I answer. I start walking not really wanting to continue the conversation.
     "I'll bring you, hop in" he says, gesturing me to come in the back.
     "Come on" Ethan says with a smile.
     "No thank you" I say walking away.
     "Why not?" My brother yells, like that I can hear him.
     "Wouldn't want you to come to close me, you know for how fucked up I am! Better to stay away from me" I snap back furiously.
     "What are you talking about Melissa? You're talking nonsense!" He says. That's when I turn around and look at him.
     "I heard what you told Ethan in the stairs yesterday! Don't talk to me as if I'm stupid" I say with a tear falling down my eye, I didn't noticed how much it hurt till this moment. Ethan's face drops.
     "Melissa come on just get in and stop being childish" he commands.
     "Fuck you Andy! And fuck you too Ethan! You can both go fuck yourself!" I respond while pointing them the finger and walk away. I am furious.

I walk in the house and go straight to my room, I'm so done with this new life thing. Who am I kidding? I'm still the old me just in a new house. I'm still the old friendless, stupid, poor, ugly, loser, junkie of a father, anorexic Melissa but now with money and a new house, those things won't make it change. Whatever.

Before going in my room I go to my father's room to check up on him. He's up.

     "Daddy?" I say, getting his attention standing at the edge of the door.
     "What do you want Melissa? My head is pounding!" He answers, rubbing his head, as if I'm annoying him and that gets me mad inside.
      "Never mind!" I snap back a bit too loud. That got him mad. He didn't like my tone and for once I don't care. I slam his door and leave.

I walk away, I hear his door open. I turn around, he's mad! You see it in his face and the way he's walking fast towards me.

     "What was that you little shit" he says grabbing me by the hair.
     "What do you want? Why did you come bother me? What is so important?" He demands while still holding me by the hair, yanking me left and right.

I'm so fed up that this is not even effecting me, I'm so used to his abusiveness. Usually I would fear him but not this time. I stand up and look at him straight in the eyes.

     "Daddy I wanted to know....." I pause.
     "I wanted to know why the fuck did you put me in this world if you and mommy were only going to be worthless junkies" I say without fear and standing tall.

This is a face I've never seen before on my father and it makes me happy, so happy that I start smiling. My father's hand lifts in the air, creates a fist and smashes into my face. It happened so fast but in slow motion at the same time and I couldn't move.

I'm on the floor, he's walking away back into his room. I put my hand to my check and look at it. There's blood. I taste the blood in my mouth. He must have busted my face open but I don't feel the pain with all this adrenaline going through my body.

     "I HATE YOU!!!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

I get up and walk to my room, I can't believe my father punched me in the face. What the fuck. I get in my bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror, OMG. I look like Carrie from the movie Carrie when they dropped the pigs' blood on her head at prom. I'm bleeding from my mouth, I have a cut on my eyebrow, my dress is full of blood.

He's never done this before, he's never done this much damage. I take a Q-Tip and clean the cut on my eyebrow and put Vaseline on in to stop it from bleeding. I wash the rest of the blood off my face.

I go in my closet and change; I take the dress off, put on pyjamas and I go straight to bed. This day is over for me. I want to sleep the rest of this day. I don't care if it's only 4:30pm.