Go Ask Jennifer

Coming down

Coming down - Dum dum girls

Dear diary,

Am I weird or does anyone else like the cold autumn days? Especially the rainy ones. It feels like a warm hug to me. I wear my softest clothes. A white long sleeve shirt, a thin piece of fabric but warm. A pair of jeans and my green knitted sweater from my grandma for Christmas. The buttons are a gold contrast and Grandma said it would bring out my eyes. I think she was right. I miss her. I miss how everyone would smile when she was around. I think it was actually because we all knew how fragile she was and we didn't want her to worry about us. Not me though. She always made me happy. She reminded me of how good life can be when you're unapologetically happy. She also liked cold fall days. I miss her.

"Jennifer! Are you ready?!" I heard Roslyn call from the top of the stairs. Our mom insists that we sit at the table together for breakfast but I'm always first done. I rinse my plate and come back up to my room to journal for even a few moments if possible before a hell filled day of school. I used to like school and I still do but I don't exactly know where I fit in anymore.

"Coming!" I call out just before closing my diary and placing it carefully yet quickly into my backpack. My pen clipped to the front page in case of a immediate entry. I fix my hair briefly in the mirror before I throw on my backpack and meet Roslyn at the top of the stairs. "Are you driving?"

"Yeah but don't forget I have a soccer meeting after school so can you hang out with Mrs. Zigs for a bit?" Mrs. Zigs is my English teacher, she's pretty cool. She likes my dedication to my journal and even lets me write in it before and after class if I have something to say.

"Yeah." I say without hesitation. She's the only adult who encourages my inspiration. She also might be the only one who really knows what it's like.

When we got outside the door I took a free moment to breath in the fresh air. It was cold and wet as it went up my nose and out and it smelt like fresh rain and wet grass. It reminded me of how lucky we are to be free. Roslyn was already in the driver seat as I was just making my way to the passenger seat when I saw a flow of dark brown hair across the street. As if on a wish a gust of wind came blowing the hair behind her and that's when I first saw her. She wore all black but in a moderately fashion and even her eyes seemed dark. I couldn't quite tell with the distance but colder than the gust of wind was her glare when she looked up at me. She was pretty but looked very cold shouldered.

I didn't press my luck with either her or Roslyn and got in the car quickly. I was worried Roslyn might question what I was looking at but even she was in a different planet from mine. I felt alone.

That feeling didn't disappear as I walked into school either. It actually intensified. My friends immediately came up to me and started conversing ideas for the homecoming committee which I was actually supposed to be head of but they gave it to Daniel Tier instead. It's good. He deserves it. I was surrounded by my friends, Alexa, Harper, Olivia, Polly, and Nora. My best friends since elementary and they're talking about things that I should know and that I should care about but I just don't anymore. I feel so numb. Why?

First period came and went. Lunch was okay..Spaghetti. No meatballs. The lunch room was getting louder by the minute and by 11:45 I was sitting in the last stall in the bathroom writing in my journal. Usually the lunchroom is bearable on a good day. Today the volume was just too much.

Before I knew it the second bell rang, I didn't even hear the first bell. I unlocked the door and took a quick look in the mirror. It made me sad because I saw that it was me. Plain old Jennifer. My long blonde hair is straight like it's always been. I have my grandmas earrings in. The day she gave them to me it made me so happy because she didn't give them to Roslyn. I touch them for a sense of comfort. I fix my hair around my shoulder and give the mirror a smile. A "Hi im Jennifer Jareau!" Kind of smile before heading to the door. Before my hand could even touch the handle it swung open nearly hitting me in the face.