Go Ask Jennifer

Midnight City

Midnight City - M83

Dear diary,

I've been having some up and downs lately. I'm facing a total life changing dilemma. The thing is I know what path I want to take but I'm afraid I might not be able to get off. I've been talking to Emily a lot more lately which is effecting my decision I think. I just feel so appreciated when she talks to me, the fact that of everyone else in the school to hang out with and she picked me. My tutor session with Spencer went off Wednesday without a hit and I'll admit he's fascinating. I saw him reading a book and flipped the page at least every few seconds. His eyes moved so fast I've never seen anyone read that quick. Spencer said it was possible for anyone because the average human mind could process over a thousand words per minute.

At least I still have you diary, to spill my secrets to. Is it bad that I crave Emily's attention the way I do? Like the other day when I wore my black jacket from 7th grade that still fit me surprisingly and some darker makeup. I wanted her to see me. I don't understand why but the craving attention is there.

Dear diary,

It's Friday now. Emily and I walked home from school together yesterday, Roslyn didn't mind. Of course she thought I walked home alone I doubt if she cared enough to stick around to see who I was waiting for. Emily looked amazing yesterday, she wore a black long sleeve turtleneck and some skinny jeans with black combat boots. I admired her style and she didn't care what people thought of her at all. She's a free spirit.

Tonight Emily's coming over for the project we're working on but I hope we can just hang out. She asked me to hang out tomorrow but I simply can't wait for when there's nothing but just me and her. No homework, no studying, just friends hanging out.

I stopped writing when I heard a tap on my window. The sound startling me as I went over to investigate. I approached the window and slid it open as I peeked my head out to see what it was. "Emily?" I ask surprised when I saw her sitting on the tree branch closest to the window. "What are you doing up there?"

"Move over." She directs me and so I do without much understanding of what was going on. Before I knew it she balanced on the branch until she got close enough to my window where she could climb in. And she did. She climbed in with such ease too like she's done this a hundred times.

Once both her feet are planted on the carpet or my room she dusts herself off a bit with her hands. "Are you crazy? Why didn't you just use the front  door?" I ask in a serious tone but I can't stop smiling either.

"I don't like standing out there waiting for your slow ass." She explains obviously while smiling proudly by her entrance. I close the window behind her as she automatically goes to take her seat at my desk before she noticed something on my bed. "What's that?" She asks with a directional gesture.

I look in the direction she was and saw my diary still flat open on my bed, my pen resting in the crease of the papers. "Oh, it's nothing." I assure her as I quickly move it to its place behind my pillow.

Emily looks at me with curious eyes but doesn't press the matter, instead she takes her seat and goes on like nothing happened. "So what's on JJs plate for the Friday night?" She asks sounding bored herself.

I sit on the edge of my bed closest to her and let my hands fall hopelessly into my lap. "I don't know, studying I guess." I say a bit embarrassed. Emily is so cool and so smart and she doesn't even have to try nearly as hard as I do. I admire that.

"Come on JJ, you can't study all the time. Don't you ever have fun?" I wonder how different my interpretation of fun is compared to hers.

"Yeah, sometimes." I assure her because I do..sometimes. Emily sees right through me and waits for me to give a more honest answer. "It's hard when there's so much pressure on me to be just like Roslyn. She's literally the golden child." Emily nods, she understands. I don't know how but she does.