Carry You Back Home

This isn't the end

Several hours later, a short kind looking woman with dark hair and sad dark eyes in a doctor's coat walks out. "Taylor family?" She says in a quiet voice.

We all jump to our feet, I cradle Charlie  against me, as she had fallen asleep on my shoulder an hour ago. "That's us" Alice says looking hopeful.

"Why don't you have a seat?" She says, gesturing to the chairs. I feel my heart rate increase, but we all obey her suggestion.

"I'm so sorry to tell you this, Isabel isn't showing any signs of brain activity. Her brain was deprived of oxygen for too long. We did everything we could. Her organs are being kept alive by life support for now. I apologize deeply for asking this, but do you know if Isabel is an organ donor?" She said, her eyes full of sadness and compassion, yet her voice is professional.

Everyone is crying, except me. Strange. My entire world just ended. Yet I feel absolutely nothing. I am completely numb.

I feel myself withdrawing into myself. I see Evan look at me with concern before he gently takes Charlie from my arms. I stand up, and walk outside, ignoring my parents calling after me. Than I just start to run. Running desperately, as if I can outrun what I just learned.

Izzie is all but gone. Her brain is dead, so for all intents and purposes, so is she. Everything was fine this weekend. Now she is dead. It almost feels like a cruel joke, because I just can't comprehend that this is real.
***
Izzie's POV -25 minutes earlier.

It was like I'm outside my body, looking down at myself. Strange, the doctors look so sad, so tired.

"She coded for almost ten minutes when she got here, and her respiratory rate was already too low before than. There is nothing else we could have done. Her brain isn't showing any activity. I think it's time for you to ask the family if she's an organ donor." A tall black man says to a short woman with dark hair and sad eye.

"She was about to turn eighteen." She says sadly, before nodding, and slowly leaving the room. She stops in the hallway and takes a deep breath, a single tear falling from her eye. She wipes it and steadies herself before she begins walking again.

Oh. I must be dead. I follow the short doctor out to the waiting room and see my family, and especially Casey. She is holding Charlie, who is asleep on her shoulder.

I cross to her and whisper in her ear, "I'm so sorry Casey, I didn't mean it." But she keeps staring at the doctor. She can't hear me. I feel my heart break a little.

I watch as she goes to leave the hospital and I follow. I follow and watch her as she runs desperately, faster than I've ever seen her. Ironically if I was alive, I wouldn't be able to keep up with her.

I guess being dead makes things like running speed meaningless.

Suddenly she starts to slow down, and than stops. Sinking to the ground slowly, she rests her head against her knees. I sit beside her and try to put my arm around her. I can almost feel her, but not quite. I know she probably can't feel me, but I can't help but try to comfort her anyways.

I watch as her shoulders begin to shake. Her body convulsing, her grief is silent. I wish I could grab her face, lift it to me, and tell her I'm still here. I haven't left her. I can't. Not until I'm sure she will be okay.

I watch as she slowly gets back to her feet, tears falling slowly but silently down her cheeks. She begins to walk back to the hospital, so I follow her.

***
Casey's POV-5 hours later

My mom forces me to go home to get some rest after the doctors take Izzie up to the OR to harvest her organs. I feel sick at the word harvest. Like she's a fucking plant. They let me say goodbye before they took her up. Tears fall from my eyes again at the memory.

I walk in and see Izzie laying in a hospital bed, a ventilator attached to her mouth, breathing for her. I don't know how to say goodbye. I never expected to have to say goodbye this early. I had planned on dying in her arms of old age. I force myself to walk to her, because I'll never forgive myself if I don't. I can't kiss her lips, because of the ventilator. So I lean down and press a kiss to her forehead. I shift slightly, in order to rest my forehead against hers. I feel tears falling rapidly from my eyes but I don't care. I close them, trying to calm my breathing enough to say something. "I don't know if you're in heaven, but if there's a heaven you deserve to be there. I don't care about the distance, I love you. I will always love you. I won't forget you. I swear. I couldn't. I love you more than anything or anybody, and I swear to you, if you wait for me, I'll see you again one day, on the other side baby. I forehead promise." I sob uncontrollably when I'm done. For just a second, I swear I feel Izzie's presence. Than the feeling passes, and I feel completely and utterly alone.

As I walk into my bedroom, I see Izzie's backpack beside mine on our bed. I pick up the mint greenback, and hold it to my chest. I'm sobbing again. I have been crying on and off for the last five hours. I sink down to the floor, cradling her backpack against my chest. I continue to sob, until at some point I fall asleep, still on the floor.

****
Izzie's POV

It breaks my heart to see Casey like this. I sit beside her as she hugs my backpack, wishing I was still alive.

I regretted it the second I took those pills. I only wanted to die for a second. Than it was too late to take it back.

I watch as she finally cries herself to sleep. "I'm so sorry baby." I whisper to her again. "Izzie?" I hear her murmur in her sleep. Maybe it's false hope, I don't exactly know how this whole being dead thing works, but I wonder if maybe she can hear me. Maybe when she's asleep. So I try again. "I love you so much baby" I whisper. Casey moans quietly in her sleep and leans towards me.

"I'm still here Casey, I couldn't leave you. I'm still here." I whisper again, and hear her whimper in her sleep. Maybe it's foolish, but I'm still hoping she can hear me. I have hope.

A few moments later I hear Elsa quietly opening the door. Her face and eyes are very red, she has clearly been crying. She sees Casey on the floor, asleep clutching my backpack, and tears fill her eyes again. She creeps back out, and returns moments later with Doug.

Doug looks sadly at Casey, before gently lifting her into his arms. Elsa pulls down the covers, and Doug places on her on the bed. Doug gestures to my backpack, and Elsa shakes her head no, mouthing "leave it" silently at him. He nods, and pulls the covers over her gently. I see them turning to leave, so I cross to Elsa and whisper in her ear. "Thank you for everything. For loving me. I'm sorry." Tears continue to fall from Elsa's eyes as she leaves the room.

I lay down beside Casey, wrapping my arms around her. I can almost feel her warmth again. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but Casey seems to move closer to me in her sleep. Several hours later, because surprise, you don't need sleep when you're dead, I hear her murmur in her sleep again. "I can almost feel you" She murmurs sleepily, eyes still closed, reaching an arm out towards me. "I'm here." I whisper to her.