11:11

33💙

Dear Jimin,

I'm in the emotional range of somewhere between, sad, happy, satisfied, worried and scared.

I'm satisfied because I got to experience or rather live one of my long time dreams, but I'm scared. I'm scared I would die, I'm scared that I'll leave everyone, I'm scared I'll stand before death, in sorrow. It just broke me, to have to tell someone, I may not be able to survive long enough to fulfill my dream.

It absolutely shattered me. I felt so numb, I felt so shocked. And I guess it never properly hit me, because at that moment, everything came to me and I just broke into tears, bawling my eyes out. If this is what it meant, if this is what the consequences are, I'm scared. I'm worried, I'm confused. It's a whirlwind of emotions, and not in a good way. In the worst way possible.

I just keep thinking about that moment, in the hospital room, in which the news broke that I had cancer. Everyone was in tears, I was in tears. Just the thought of leaving all this, all I've found and lost, tossed away. I can't begin to fathom how hard that would be. This could very well be my last letter. I could have another tumor and pass away. I could lose all my friends, all my family, all of you.

I twist the promise ring on my finger that you gave me after we kissed.

I promise to stay with you forever, but now I'm not sure if I can.

Whatever happens, whatever the result is, whatever the when, the how, the why,

You were and still are, one of the best things that ever happened to me.

If this is my last letter,

I love you Park Jimin.

I love you Jagiya.