the person you can't have | chaelisa

Confession [21]

Vulnerability. It's something that is extremely hard to achieve from Rosé. Perhaps that was because vulnerability never got her anywhere good, rather to the deepest, and the darkest alleyway in an abandoned street.

Here she was today, laying on her bed which was not normal. She kept checking her phone, and the line of words below the time display kept beguiling her.

Monday.

Students dread Monday because they head back to school. I guess now Chaeyoung felt the dread, but not because she had to go back to school, rather she could not attend school to spend time with Lisa.

Maybe she's gotten too attached to Lisa than she initially planned that Lisa was already integrated into her life like a puzzle piece. She wondered if she was vulnerable enough around Lisa. Did Lisa feel how vulnerable she was? Does Lisa know her weak points and where to hit her to kill?

Lisa knew. Lisa knew it all.

Chaeyoung's fear of letting her guard down was that one day they just turn on her and betray her. She couldn't shake that feeling of betrayal, it weighs her down like an anchor in sand.

Lisa on the other hand, she clutched Chaeyoung's small pouch in her hand, in hopes to return what she left. The time after the picnic was... interesting. She would say. It was a great time, and for once aftercare was a thing.

Chaeyoung had laid with Lisa and cuddled together rather than leaving like they usually did. That small little effort of Chaeyoung made Lisa feel like maybe they were more than just friends with benefits or even just mere fuck buddies. She believed so strongly that they were definitely more.

When the Thai rounded the corner to enter the class, her eyes seem to immediately notice the empty spot in class behind Jisoo.

Jennie and Jisoo were slumped on the table, knocked out from whatever they both of them were doing.

Lisa nudges Jennie, "Jennie is Rosie coming today?"

Jennie blinked groggily, looking at Lisa through half-lidded eyes, "Huh I don..."

"You what?" Lisa questioned when Jennie's eyes shut again.

"I don't know..." Jennie trailed off again.

The feeling seeped into Lisa's chest cavity, filling each and every cell with it. There was no way that Chaeyoung regretted what they did after so long and just left did she? There was no way that would happen. Rosé would tell Lisa or at least try to break it to Lisa if she was tired of what they were doing.

Rosé wouldn't disappear without a trace.

She proceeded to drop Chaeyoung a text, asking if she was coming to school.

Perhaps avoidance of things they need to address wasn't always good. Maybe Lisa needed to talk to Chaeyoung about things she felt. Maybe Lisa needed to reinforce to Rosé that she liked her so much that every piece of her living brain was so corrupted with Chaeyoung.

It was the last 2 weeks of actual classes before they started their finals exams— the one that determines their futures. She wondered if Rosé had fallen sick due to all the stress.

But a faint memory about Chaeyoung's audition surfaced in Lisa's head. I never asked her how the audition went. She made a promise to ask her the next time she saw her, hopefully tomorrow.

Ms Song enters the class and started her Math lesson. Just as her class with Ms Song was about to end, the table vibrated because of her phone under her desk.