Damaged Heart

The darkness will consume you,,if you let it..

After her shower Lily laid on her bed with a towel wrapped around her.  She laid there looking up at the ceiling.  Closing her eyes images flashed through her mind. It was more like a film playing on fast forward.  The images were too fast to make any sense of them.  Black and white images ingrained on her mind.  Lily opened her eyes.  She hadn't realised the tower fan had clicked off until she was becoming too warm.  She looked over at it.  Getting off the bed the towel fell on the floor, her body glistening from the shower.  She clicked the button on the fan and the cool air hit her body, it was soothing her hot skin. Lily stood in front of the fan for a little while.

Later she moved to the bed once more, her hands cradling her head, she just wanted the horrors of the past few days to leave her.  How could she have been so stupid.  She knew about Dan's affair, why had she pushed so much.  Sometimes ignorance really was bliss. 

Her mobile phone played the familiar ringtone to tell her someone was calling, she leant over and saw Dan's number.  Lily threw the phone onto the bed.  She did not want to speak to him yet.  Lily had fallen for Dan almost instantly, in the beginning he had been everything she wanted in a man.  The last few years had taken its toll on Lily's health. she had tried several times to explain how she felt, but he never heard her cry for help.  Not really, he had heard the words but he didn't hear HER!.  Inside she was screaming, but the words were never spoken.  Her days were mostly letting the darkness control her, that inner voice that told her she was no good, that she would never amount to anything.  Of course all the damage had been done when she was much younger.  A time before Dan. 

Lily had been the youngest of eleven children, and the prettiest.  She didn't know what evil men could do, until it was actually happening to her.  She had been twelve years old.  The 'stepfather' had kept looking at her, it unnerved her, she had never seen him act like this.  His eyes bore into her very soul.  Her mother had been sent out on an errand by the fat, overgrown 'stepfather' .. Lily remembered the day very well.  They had all been in the garden, there were rabbits in a pen, all jumping about. Lily had laughed at them.  Most of her siblings had gone with their mother, Lily thought it very strange.  Later that night her mother had still not returned.  Her older brother was up in his room listening to records on his old record player, and her younger brother had been called up to the 'Steps' room.  Lily was left on her own in the garden.  A few moments later a voice from upstairs shouted down.

'Lily, come up here now'

For some reason Lily suddenly had the feeling she wanted to be sick, her stomach was churning.  She slowly walked up the stairs and stood outside the door.  She knew if she went inside something bad was going to happen.  The door opened quickly and Lily jumped back from the door.  There he was, sneering at her, those black eyes scorching her soul.  He grabbed her and she was pulled into the room.  He put his hand over her mouth and hissed for her to be quiet.  He mouthed the words 'your younger brother is locked in the wardrobe, do as I say and I won't hurt him.'  Lily's heart raced faster, her baby brother was locked in the fucking wardrobe, what did this evil shit want her to do?

'Take off your clothes' he demanded.

Lily thought she hadn't heard properly, she almost laughed.

He pushed her to the wall and hissed in her ear.

'Take off your clothes now!'

Lily was petrified, she looked to the wardrobe and a silent tear fell down her face.  She had no choice.  She unbuttoned her dress and slipped it off over her head, stood there in just a pair of red knickers, she already felt violated, what was he going to do?

'And those, take them off' he whispered.

Lily took off the red knickers, she was completely naked.

'Lie on the floor' he demanded.

Lily's legs started to shake, her whole body was shaking.  She laid on the floor and stared at her violator.  He took off his clothes and laid on top of her.  Lily couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face.  He took his penis and shoved it inside her, Lily screamed! Slapping his hand over her mouth he began to thrust up and down on her small body.  Lily was screaming but her screams and cries were muffled over his large hand.  Once it was over he told her to go clean up as if she'd spilt something on her dress, then she was to go straight to bed. 

After she'd cleaned up and put on clean knickers and a nightie she cradled herself in bed.  What had just happened and why? Lily was so confused and her poor brother, he must have heard what had been happening. That night Lily cried herself to sleep, this was the first day of her long nightmare, she wouldn't be free from the torture for another four years!

Lily had hidden her scars very well, she had tried to lock them out of her head, but every once in a while they surfaced.  Today was one of those days.  The blackness whirled around her head, it would not free her from her childhood memories.  Lily fought the blackness, she had paid her price, the abuse should have been price enough.  The voice in her head spoke to her today, today she would free herself!

'He can't hurt you anymore, it was not your fault, he is DEAD!'

Never again would Lily feel like that frightened twelve year old. She was now in her early twenties and she would live her life, with or without Dan!