Bad Boy Playground (h.s)

five

White Teeth Teens

I've always loved my bedroom.

From the lavender walls to the shoe closet and on suite bathroom. The paint covered by posters from my favorite artists and albums, my latest being Rihanna's Anti album cover. Every single thing in this room was hand picked by me from one time or another, all with sentimental value.

My bed was an ivory white with a plush grey comforter and matching pillows. Seated with me in the soft fuzzy fabric is my loving quarterback boyfriend. He's laying on his stomach while playing on my Xbox that I got when we first started dating. I wanted an excuse to invite him over. I'm sitting with my back against the headboard reading this book Harry recommend and said I'd enjoy.

Harry and I haven't talked since last night. I'm so beyond confused when it comes to him. I know I said it was over but then we had sex at the welcome back party. Now I have no idea where we stand.

I miss him.

It's only been a night but I feel like I put so much distance between us.

As for Brae, our distance is just the same as always. We haven't talked about last night and I doubt we will. He just showed up on my doorstep this morning and I didn't have to energy to even be upset anymore.

So now we're sitting together on my bed, not sharing a word as we continue to ignore each others presence.

I don't know how we got like this. Freshman year we really liked each other, always talking and sharing laughs. I fell in love with him. He was this handsome charming good church boy that loved to debate the nuns and take me to protests for climate change. He was so passionate, we'd spend hours on the phone talking all night about how the world would be a better place if there were no war or hate. He always treated people with kindness and no judgment.

Then one day our conversations got shorter. The little kisses he would give me became scarce. His views changed the more he volunteered at the church. That's part of the reason I don't like organized religion because I believe in God but I believe in humanity as well, just like how I know God does too. Our church here is a little extreme for me and unfortunately Brae and I started viewing love and light different because of it.

I know staying in this relationship isn't good for me and that I'm involved with someone else, but as ashamed as I am to admit it I still sometimes hope that Brae will go back to that freshman boy I met. The one that got too shy to ask me out so he had my best friend slip me his number, the boy that asked me to homecoming with two dozen flowers 'because a dozen isn't enough'.

I'm delusional I know, but we loved each other once so we might be able to love each other again.

Or so I hope.

"Hey, can you turn it down." I ask Brae politely, not really enjoying having to listen to him play Black Ops while I'm trying to read a cultural phenomenon.

When the moon is shinning the cripple becomes hungry for a walk

Harry has this passage highlighted. I wonder what it means to him, what he saw in it to highlight a book he read for personal enjoyment.

When Harry recommend this book I thought it would be just like all the others, a mindless read; but this book really is sticking with me. It's about Nigeria and the social, religious, and political divide. It's honestly a masterpiece and not that long of a read but very informative and culturally  shocking for anyone of western assent.

Things Fall Apart

How fitting is that title for anything in life?

My phone buzzes twice as I'm rereading over the same highlighted phrase, trying to understand the real meaning behind it.