Snippets of Life

P a n i c

P a n i c

My heart is a bird
My ribs are its cage.
It beats,
It flutters and it tries to get out.

Breathing used to come easy
But now the bird wants freedom
Because it is scared
And it wants to leave.

So sit in the bathroom at 2 am
With nothing but fear at your side,
Count your breaths because that's all you can do.

Watch the tears fall
Feel the pain of your aching heart
Hear the loud thudding as your heart beats
Trying to survive.

Grip the ends of your shirt tightly.
You know it's not real.
None of it is.
And even so, your fears are irrational.

But it feels imminent,
Like as if your whole life
Would depend
Upon how humiliated you think
You would feel.

Breathe in and out,
Your heart is beating so fast.
Fear is both a friend and an enemy.

It is less than 10 minutes.
It felt like 10 years.
You should feel relived. It has ended.
Instead you feel tired and sad.

Remember when life wasn't full of anxiety?
Remember when you never panicked?
You search the ceiling for that happiness again,
But find only numbness.

It will happen again. You know it.
So with one more fear in your heart,
You shut your eyes.
You listen to the sounds of breathing.
It should be a lullaby.

But you know better.
Panic, it is a friend.
And an enemy.
It keeps you alive.
But then it destroys you.