Being a student in an international exchange program is not an easy task, specially in mine where you basically spend your life in two countries in a five year span. Even though you get to experience two cultures, speak two different languages and daily meet new amazing people, it's tough when it comes to the social part of life. You have trouble giving yourself to people because you know that you will leave them in the future. It's a constant feeling of regret, but at least you get to live life at 100%, like any day is the last day, because in not a long time, it will.
You may ask then: how is that related to us? Let me tell You that it represents a lot. We started everything far from each other, we started in a long distance relationship. From the start, we tested each other's faith in the very beginning of the seriousness and that in a way put a lot of pressure on me. I knew I had to make it work, because I was the one to ask for it. The first year I spent in Munich was partly painful. I was partying a lot, but I was missing you and that showed me the early stages of your importance. On the flip side, I had to keep composure and be strong. It made me bury my concerns and feelings.
The more time passed, the more it became a routine. Then came a moment where I realized how much You were asking for so much attention, how often you had self confidence issues, how hard you wanted me to visit you. I understood all of that, but it was tough to deal with. I remember once you said "I know I ask you so much, but that's how I am, and that shows how much You mean to me". It still resonates in my head today and still is one, if not the most intriguing thing You ever said to me. You knew how hard you were but You still did the same and that, that annoyed me. I don't know how many times I asked myself "did I really deserve such expectations?". It made life harder than it should have been, although I wasn't so innocent myself. I made mistakes, like every human does, but they were rare. I was trying every day to be the perfect boyfriend who will make the distance disappear. I was willing to ne the backbone, even though I was weak myself. I was to be every thing every where. I took charge of stuff I shouldn't have. Inside I was growing more and more emotionally and physically exhausted. But after all I didn't want to complain because I was the one to put myself in this situation. After everything I gave, I decided to take matters in hand be more assertive. I think that I failed there because You just kept telling me that I was offensive and "different".
After fighting internal demons, after weeks of contemplation, I gave up and it lead me to think about why I initiated the : break up
YOU ARE READING
A (long) note for you
RomanceThis is a simple story between YOU and ME. How we met, until our downfall. There are so many things that needed to be said. I hoped that you will one day read them
