The future. What an intriguing word. It's filled with both uncertainty and excitement. It can trouble minds and lead to panic decisions. It is the one thing that can evolve without us realizing it. For me, future caused me such trouble, that i couldn't think straight for a minute. Today it still is the case.
In my life, I always wanted to have the best results possible. So it required me to be the most sure I could before taking decisions. My parents always the best for me, but they kind of led me to be what they wanted. It projected in a way on my personality, always trying to please the ones I respect and appreciate the most, and even the ones I don't particularly value. I just needed to please every single person I was involved with, even if it was unpleasant at times. And I think that our relationship became gradually filled with those feelings, me compromising and keeping the hard stuff to myself, You never fully satisfied and always demanding. But I passed over all of that, because that's how much I cared about You. Then You went away. As much as I wanted to avoid those bad thoughts, they couldn't be driven away. Future and the uncertainty it come with, the constant feeling of loneliness and me trying to overcome those fears while keeping everything afloat, I just couldn't support it anymore. That's when I realized how much You were important for me, your hugs, your genuine carefulness, all of the aspects that made me forget how annoying and sometimes harsh You were with me, I missed them. I knew then that I was setting myself up for something too hard on the long run. I flee the trouble to keep both of us secure, but it just amplified my cowardice. I decided to give everything up, to save us from pain, at least it's what I thought. I saved myself from that in the aftermath.
Today, I don't regret what I did. I regret the way it happened. But in this hard life, you can't please everyone every time, that was one of the few times I chose my faith and even though it did hurt You, it's what I chose.
I'm so sorry for all the pain and trouble, all the suffering, all the late night's tears. I didn't deserve them then, I don't now, but maybe You will find the strength to read all these words with your heart and not your eyes, to understand me and not judge me, to forgive me. I know that the chemistry is still there, the passion is still there.
And maybe just maybe, the future will put us on each other's paths,
Who knows?
THE END ?
YOU ARE READING
A (long) note for you
RomanceThis is a simple story between YOU and ME. How we met, until our downfall. There are so many things that needed to be said. I hoped that you will one day read them
