Breaking Free

Chapter 2

Hunter's P.O.V

Packing the last sweatshirt in my suitcase, I closed it and put it down. Resting on the floor of my bedroom I looked around at the four wars that were once littered with Ravens pictures and all the paintings that Heather had made of her, now those wars were plain and empty just like me.

I wondered how Liam and Heather were doing, those two were Raven's best friends and they loved her unconditionally. They knew her their whole lives, and if a person like me who only knew her for a year was feeling this way, then I didn't want to imagine the kind of grief and agony that they were in.

At least they had each other, unlike me. I had no one, no one to support, care for, or understand me. Raven was the only person who knew me for who I was and now I felt more alone than ever. I had no one before Raven, I was always alone but somehow I managed to survive and it didn't bother me because I enjoyed the solitude to some extent. When Raven came into my life, she brought light and lit the dark hole that I was living in.

She gave me purpose, in one year, Raven made me feel more alive than I had felt in all my life. I no longer wanted to be alone, I wanted to be with her always, to love and hold her, I wanted to busk in her love and the warmth she carried for all eternity but life had other plans. When Raven died, I died. I was physically alive but deep down I had no reason to live, losing Raven was something I was never going to get used to.

I snapped out of my hopeless thoughts when I heard footsteps, looking up I saw my mother walking towards me. She then sat beside me on the floor, I was surprised by her unusual behavior but I just kept quiet. "I know we have not been the best parents to you, Hunter," she said avoiding eye contact.

"I know that nothing I can do or say will ever be enough to make up for your traumatized childhood but I hope that one day you'll understand and forgive your father and I. Hunter, you may not be my biological son but trust me when I say that I love you." She finished and whipped her tears.

I didn't answer her, I knew she was expecting some kind of reassurance that everything was okay and I was glad that she cared about me but all did was stare at her with disinterest. I would be a liar if I said that I forgave those two for everything they did to me, though they didn't physically abuse me, their lack of love and affection made me emotionally vulnerable and insecure. Mother looked pained and disappointed at my rejection and lack of acknowledgment towards her apologies but I didn't care.

"Where are you going, Hunter?" She asked me between sobs, "To our family house, near the border," I replied. She just nodded her head and stood up, I knew she was not in support of my idea of moving but she didn't dare to object because we both knew that nothing would change my mind and the decision I made was final. "I'll be here for you if things get worse," she said sadly and left the bedroom.

That woman was my mother and it hurt me to see her in tears but she was responsible for most of my traumas, she deserved to be treated even worse, I loved her, yes, but the hatred that I felt for her was way greater than the affection and respect. My rage and resentment towards her grew stronger with each passing day, I hated the way that I remembered my past and I hated her for being the reason. My parents missed each and every final ball game that I played at school, when all my teammates did their best to impress their parents and make them proud, I only did my best so that my rich parents would not be ashamed of their son.

When it was "bring your parents to school day," I was always laughed at and bullied because my parents never showed up, I never had wonderful memories of my parents, all I remembered was pain. If my parents were even half as carrying as they should have been then maybe Raven's death would not have broken me like this. It was because all the good memories that I had were attached to Raven and when I wasn't thinking about her then I was spiraling back to my trauma. 

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Putting the bags in my car, I turn around to look at my mother and father who were patiently waiting for me. "Are you sure that you are going to be okay on your own?" Father asked stepping forward, "you used to leave me alone all the time, you've left me alone for as long as I can remember so I dont understand why you are so concerned all of the sudden," I responded irritably. Father shook his head and mother broke down in tears at the impact of my words, I looked at them for one last time and got into the car.

They tried to call after me but I drove off, I didn't want to look back, I was glad that I was finally alone but I was also afraid because now this meant that I was really alone, alone with my thoughts. I was escaping but escaping never gets you to where you want to go, it only gets you away from where you were. I  was still broken and from how I saw things, I forever would be.

The journey was long and tiresome, there were times when I dozed off on the road while driving but fortunately it was deserted. I switched on the radio and the song I found playing was mine and Raven's favorite, I sang along to it on top of my voice and tears came racing down my face as the memories of Raven once again came crushing in. My heart felt heavy when the song was finally done, it felt like for a moment I had felt my Raven's presence but when the song ended and the wind blew, I felt cold again, the cold was now a constant reminder of my loss.