how to be a Gen Z, by Peter Parker

How to get help-have a good relationship

Warnings: Self harm

Ships: Spiderfrost 

I'm walking down the hallway after dinner, when my enhanced hearing allows me to hear someone quietly sobbing. I try to pinpoint which room it's coming from, and am eventually led to standing outside Loki's bedroom. Why is Loki sobbing? Is he ok? I knock on the door, but get no answer except for them muffling their cries.

"Hey? Loki? I'm going to come inside." I open the door slowly, and follow the breathing into the ensuite that each room in the tower has. I open the bathroom door to see Loki on the ground, no shirt, a puddle of blood and water around him, a razor in one hand, and long angry gashes that get more and more sloppy as they go along, all bleeding a blue tinted red blood. I say nothing and just get a first aid kit, settling down next to him on the floor, ignoring the blood puddle for now.

"Was there a specific thing that pushed you over the edge today?" He looks shocked. I think he was expecting me to shout at him, or something else. But instead here I am, calmly cleaning his wounds. I had already slipped the razor from his other hand.

"It was just hard today. So so hard." I nod in understanding, pulling out the bandages, holding the cotton pad on the wound.

"I know what that feels like. And it's perfectly fine to feel like that." He scoffs slightly.

"Oh yeah? How would you know what it feels like?" I smile sadly, not taking offense. He's in pain, and struggling. Instead I lean back, satisfied with my work, and sit on my knees, staying level with him. And then I roll up my sleeves slowly. Over my now bare arms, are 10s upon 10s of little white lines. Some from spidermanning, although truthfully not that many. Most of them from when I was reminded of Ben's death, when Flash was just so horrible that day, when I thought that I was being a burden to May, looking at the bills that overflowed on the living room table. On those days it was the hardest, and I pulled the razor on myself. Much like how Loki is right now, except I will be there for him when I have no one there for me.

He gasped slightly and lifted his hands, tracing them over my self inflicted artwork. I smiled softly and rolled my sleeves back down.

"See? I know how it feels." Loki stays silent for a second.

"But how? You always seem so happy?" I smile, thinking of when Mr Stark saw them. He looked into my problems by himself, fixing those that he could. He got me therapy that was actually helpful, he helped May with the bills, he made me feel wanted. So I was going to do the same with Loki. because everyone needs someone they can turn to, no matter what they did in the past.

"I got help from Mr Stark. Now these are reminders of what I've overcome. It used to be a facade if I'll be completely honest, but now it's true. And I can help you. Will you let me?" He paused, looking down at my arms, now covered with sleeves, and looked at his own, properly bandged, and then at my face. It's hard to say what I looked like in that moment, but he must have figured out my intentions.

"I suppose it just gets hard having a brother like Thor and having a past like mine. No one believes me about the brainwashing, and father always compared me to Thor. He was always better. Stronger, more social. A better ruler. I could never live up to that! And then his friends joined in, and everyone ganged up on me. Except for my mother. She would always defend me. When she died, and when I was brainwashed and when I tried to take over the world and it got so much worse. It was me against the world. And it's been building up for ages. I just felt so worthless and meaningless today. I'm not sure why exactly, but I don't know." I smiled softly and brought his hands up in mine, careful not to jostle them too much. He lifted his head from looking at the floor and stared at me.

"It's not you against the world. You're stuck with me now. Whether you want to be or not, I'm going to be there for you. We can go at your pace, if you want to inform the others or not, it's up to you. Just know, I'll always be there. Us against the world Loki. ok?" During my little speech he teared up again, and soon he was crying again. I shuffled closer to him, pulling him into a hug, just letting him cry. Still on the floor of his bathroom, still in a small puddle of blood, but closer now than anyone could have imagined. I was going to be there for Loki no matter what, and it started now. I squeezed him a little into the hug, nustling my head into his hair. Us against the world, Loki. Us against the world.