The Nasty Rancher (Freezell #12)

Nine

AEIRYN

WHAT he told me that night kept replaying in my head. What had gone into him? Bakit kailangan niyang sabihin ang mga salitang iyon? Nasisiraan na ba siya?

"What are you thinking?" said a voice and as I turned around, I saw Gyor with his serious face.

He sat next to me and gave me a bottle of carbonated drink. "Nothing," I replied.

Nasa Phyrric ako ngayon. As for Ryl, he was at his office. I asked Hudsen to look after him for me. I just needed to compose myself.

What he told me the night before, kept invading my system. Why not? Someone just confessed to me and I didn't answer back. I didn't know what should I say, when I myself doesn't have even the slightest idea how did he fall for me that easily.

We'd only know each other for months and he was now claiming that it was only I whom he wanted. Was he freaking insane? O baka naman gusto niyang madala ako sa mga salita niya?

"How can I trust someone's word when I, myself, doesn't even trust my own?" I said out of nowhere.

"Yeah, right. Same goes with, how you could believe that I love you, when you no longer know what love is, and you don't even love yourself," Gyor replied and the atmosphere became so awkward.

"Gyor, please. I'm so pissed right now, hindi ko masasabayan ang drama na 'to," I said out of frustration.

Gyor smiled and stood up. He stared at the ceiling for few seconds before his eyes met mine. "You turned into a monster, Alez. You turned into someone I could no longer recognize. It's been almost two years but the pain is still written all over your face. Kung hindi ka makakaahong mag-isa mula sa kinaroroonan mo, huwag kang umasa na may tutulong sa 'yo. Only the old Aeiryn Lez can save you, Alez. Your trust issues, your incapability to fall in love, your broken heart, your unstable emotion, your pain . . . only the old you can save you."

He stormed out of my sight upon saying those words and believe me, Gyor could never be more right, but the question here was, how could I bring the old Aeiryn Lez back, when I built this new Aeiryn Lez to avoid the same pain I experienced before?

Hindi ko na kakayanin kung mauulit iyon. Hindi ko na gustong makitang muli ang sarili ko na nagmamakaawa. I don't deserve that same kind of pain. If choosing myself more than that kind of love that would let me sleep peacefully at night, I will no longer fall for someone again . . . ever.

Inayos ko ang sarili ko at umalis na muna ng Phyrric. I had a lot to do pero hindi ako makakilos sa paraan na gusto ko dahil tinatalo ako ng mga isipin na nasa utak ko.

Sumakay ako ng sasakyan ko at tinungo ang opisina ni Ryl. Tinawagan ko na rin si Hudsen na maaari na niyang iwan. Missy would be so mad at me kung patatagalin ko pa ang utos ko kay Hudsen. It was her birthday and I highly doubt it kung wala silang fireworks for each other tonight.

Nakarating ako sa opisina ni Ryl at ngayon ang mga empleyado ay nagba-bow pa sa akin. Gusto kong mapangisi. Parang kailan lang, they treated me as an obsessed woman.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lawson," greeted the new guard. I was sure as hell na bago ito. Maybe, it was from the security agency of tito Iro—Dad's friend and band mate.

I smiled at him. Alam kong rumespeto kapag karespe-respeto, pero mas bastos ako kapag bastos ang kaharap ko.

I was about to enter the elevator when someone harshly pulled my arm. Naalarma ako pero agad kong kinalma ang sarili ko. Puwede kong mabali ang kamay ng kung sino mang humatak sa akin and I didn't want another commotion. Kokota na ako sa panggugulo sa opisina ni Ryl kapag nagkataon.